


Burn the Elegy

by callmeliska



Category: MDZS, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Abandoned WIP, Angst and Fluff, I planned it to be a lot more angsty but can't stay away from the soft feels it seems, M/M, Modern AU, SORRY YALL, Slow Burn, Suicide mention, Wangji POV, just wangji being soft for wuxian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmeliska/pseuds/callmeliska
Summary: “Wei Ying, you’re alive?” Lan Wangji felt like his throat would seize up if he spoke any louder.Modern au where Lan Wangji finds Wei Wuxian in New York after burying him thirteen years earlier. Angst and fluff ensues as they try to reconcile all of the years in between. TW for suicide and (sort of?)self harm mention. Mostly canon compliant with death mentions.
Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Comments: 94
Kudos: 180





	1. Between Sharp Shadows

Lan Wangji couldn’t say what it was that made him wander the streets that night.

It should have been completely dark with the new moon, but the yellowed street lamps, blinding shop fronts, and shining car lights made the city feel untouched by time. People still crowded the streets, and Lan Wangji was grateful he’d be going back to Gusu in a few days. He was only in New York City for a week to attend a few business meetings on behalf of his uncle, but the raucousness of the city made him restless and yearning for… something he couldn’t put his finger on. It was that unfamiliar state of mind that made him feel the need to stretch his legs a bit, if only to escape the choking silence of his hotel room.

He kept his hands shoved in the pockets of his white parka as he shouldered past the crowds, silently detesting every time he accidentally bumped into a stranger. It was probably ridiculous to keep walking when it seemed to make him so miserable, between the cold and the closeness of strangers, but he was still jet lagged and wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway. He told himself he wasn’t breaking any rules; it probably wasn’t nine in Gusu yet.

He turned down a smaller side street on a whim, keeping track of his whereabouts in his head as he went. It was quieter this way, solemn shadows slanting against the tall buildings while the first touches of snow dusted the street. As he walked, he suddenly remembered Central Park was this direction as well. He had found the park on his second day in the city, and had enjoyed the space and twisting paths it had to offer. It would take longer than he wanted to walk all the way there, but if he could figure out which metro line to take, it wouldn’t be a bad way to end the night.

Luckily, he only had to cross the street to be on the right line. Warmth enveloped him as he descended the stairs, and he began to relax slightly. He was almost at the bottom when the ghost of a song drifted to meet him. He heard the notes distantly, thinking at first it was a hallucination, and he tripped on the last step when he realized it was real.

The last time he had heard that song…

In a flash, he had his pass out and swiped it at the turnstile, clearly in a rush to get out to the platform. Once he pushed past the metal gates, he turned in the direction of the music. All of the air seemed to punch out of his lungs as he caught a glimpse of _him_ , standing, leaning with his back against the wall, looking wholly absorbed in his flute.

Lan Wangji stared over what felt like a canyon of time between them. He was still dressed in black, but the clothes seemed worn, and there was stiffness in his posture that hadn’t been there before. His face was older, too, but Lan Wangji still recognized him in an instant. The curve of his jaw, the slant of his eyebrows as he concentrated, the way his fingers moved as he played… it practically shattered Lan Wangji’s heart in an instant and put it back together all in the same second. Before he knew what his body was doing, Lan Wangji had closed the gap and grabbed his wrist. Like he was a ghost and could disappear any moment.

Except he didn’t.

Wei Wuxian startled and looked up, freezing immediately as his eyes met Lan Wangji’s. The rest of the universe seemed to have crumbled away at that moment, as Lan Wangji looked into the same dark eyes that had haunted both his dreams and nightmares for the past thirteen years. Maybe even longer.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji whispered, almost a question, but not about his identity. He’d know him anywhere.

“Lan Zhan.”

Wei Wuxian drew back, and Lan Wangji let go of his wrist. He twirled his flute as he looked Lan Wangji up and down, making an expression that even Lan Wangji couldn’t decipher. It really had been so long.

“Wei Ying, you’re alive?” Lan Wangji felt like his throat would seize up if he spoke any louder.

Wei Wuxian dropped his gaze and leaned down to put his flute away in a case by his feet, gathering up the tip money inside as he did so. He still didn’t say anything as he tucked it away in his wallet, and took seemingly forever just to separate his flute and tuck it neatly inside the case. When he stood, a smile was plastered on his face that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, how did you find me? I never would’ve imagined you coming to New York City, much less taking the crowded subway.” His voice was cheerless, and if Lan Wangji wasn’t mistaken, a bit unsteady, even. Wei Wuxian barked out a laugh before asking timidly, “How are you?”

The subway chose that time to barrel down the tracks, cutting out any space for him to respond. The wind whipped both of their hair to the side, and Lan Wangji noticed that Wei Wuxian’s seemed shorter than the last time he’d seen him, despite how it was still long enough to be pulled up in his characteristic pony-tail. A few loose strands whipped across his face until the subway slowed to a halt.

Lan Wangji grabbed his arm. “Come with me.”

Wei Wuxian nodded slightly, and bent down to put his flute case in another bag that had been slumped against the wall before following Lan Wangji into the metro car. They stood at the far end of the car, staring at each other in an uncomfortable silence. Lan Wangji couldn’t recall a moment Wei Wuxian had ever been this quiet, and it made his blood run cold at the thought of it. But he wanted to have a real conversation, and the questions he needed to ask felt too private for a metro car, even if he had heard some strange snippets of conversations himself just in the past few days.

The car broke a bit more harshly when it came to their stop, and Lan Wangji would have crashed into the wall if it weren’t for Wei Wuxian shooting a quick hand out to grab his arm. Lan Wangji almost forgot to usher them both off in time before the doors closed.

Wei Wuxian picked up his pace to match Lan Wangji as they climbed up the subway’s steps and leaned over to ask, “Where are we going?” Just having his presence that close made Lan Wangji want to pinch himself. It felt too much like a dream.

“The park.” Lan Wangji replied, sparing a long glance to measure Wei Wuxian’s reaction. Trying to drag him back to his hotel room seemed a bit too forward, and he was scared of doing anything that would send Wei Wuxian running.

Wei Wuxian didn’t seem disappointed in the answer, at least, and fell into step beside him. Lan Wangji spent the walk trying to focus on his questions, what he should ask first and save for later. He’d never been good with his words, and now he wished terribly that he was.

When they reached the park, Lan Wangji found it was a very different place at night. A fine mist of snow was falling, leaving an almost unbroken covering over the grass and sidewalks. It felt quiet, peaceful, but the trees blocked out much of the light from the city, and even the lamps dotting the pathways couldn’t keep out the long shadows that stretched around corners. When he looked back at Wei Wuxian, he saw the darkness carving harsh lines on his face, and that the bags under his eyes seemed even more pronounced.

There was a divot off the path, where a small dirt trail lead off to the side of a lake nearby. Lan Wangji took it without looking back, but he didn’t need to. He heard Wei Wuxian’s footsteps behind him just as loud as he heard his own heart beat.

An even heavier curtain of darkness hung by the lake. The lamps didn’t quite reach this far, but there was a faint reflection of light from the water, which allowed them to walk without tripping over anything. Lan Wangji dusted off some snow on a large boulder and sat, waiting for Wei Wuxian to do the same. He sat hesitantly beside him, leaving plenty of room between them. Lan Wangji couldn’t help but think it felt wrong.

“Explain.” After a few silent seconds ticked by, Lan Wangji realized it had sounded better in his head. He cleared his seemingly tight throat and tried again. “What happened, Wei Ying? Everyone said you had…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

Wei Wuxian seemed confused. “What did they say?”

“That you killed yourself.” The words felt sharp in Lan Wangji’s mouth, time having done nothing to dull their edge.

“Oh.” He heard Wei Wuxian suck in a deep breath beside him, and when he looked, Lan Wangji saw one of the most painful expressions he had ever seen on his face. It was like his soul split in two. Wei Wuxian met his eyes and he looked away. “So, no. I didn’t… kill myself, if that’s what you, um, heard.” Gods, it was like pulling teeth.

“Then why was I at your funeral?” Lan Wangji practically hissed, sounding angrier than he meant to. “I watched them lower your casket in the ground.”

“I thought you couldn’t be there for that.”

He wasn’t supposed to be, but he had caused enough of a scene at the cemetery that they let him stay for it, and he had seethed as he stood there alone. But he didn’t want to tell Wei Wuxian that, so he stared at him sullenly and waited for him to explain, or tell him something, at least. Why he was hiding in New York City. Why he hadn’t tried to contact him for a full thirteen years. Why Lan Wangji had carried his bleeding heart like a grenade for over a decade.

They had both fallen into a heavy silence, and Lan Wangji couldn’t handle it anymore. “Tell me what happened after the accident.”

The accident. That was where Lan Wangji’s knowledge of events ended. Wei Wuxian had taken his _shije_ , Jiang Yanli, out for a ride on his motorcycle, but a car had failed to see them and they collided. Being in the front, Wei Wuxian had rolled forward and off of the bike. He skidded down the road, losing skin and breaking a rib, but was ultimately alive. Jiang Yanli had died from the impact.

Wei Wuxian had been inconsolable when Lan Wangji found him in the hospital. His face was puffy from crying, and Jiang Cheng was still yelling at him when he entered. It took all of two seconds for Lan Wangji to throw him out and sit down beside Wei Wuxian. He didn’t remember much of what they said, only that Lan Wangji was holding his hand as Wei Wuxian cried himself to sleep, and the nurses came in an hour later to kick him out.

He’d gone home, fell onto his bed, and was asleep almost instantly. When he woke up, he’d learned that Wei Wuxian had discharged himself from the hospital. He wouldn’t answer his phone, and he hadn’t gone home to the apartment he shared with Jiang Cheng. Twenty-four hours later, both he and Jiang Cheng had managed to be civil to each other long enough to file a missing persons report. A month later, after hearing absolutely nothing, Jiang Cheng had called him. They had found a body. It was two weeks old, and was found beside an abandoned building.

It looked like he had jumped from the roof.

They didn’t know how to identify it. Wei Wuxian had never been arrested or worked a government job, so they had no fingerprints on file for him. The skull had been badly shattered from the fall, and much of the body had been picked apart by wild animals. Because pieces of the jaw were missing, the best a teeth analysis could give them was “maybe.” They couldn’t do anything DNA wise, because Wei Wuxian had been adopted and they had no idea where his blood-relatives were. Police, however, did find his phone a few feet away from the body. It was shattered beyond belief, and exposure to the elements meant it was officially dead. Upon further inspection of the area, they also found an unregistered car. His wallet and ID had been inside.

Lan Wangji had felt lost after that. It was like his insides had just shriveled up and vanished, leaving him empty and aching and utterly destroyed. He’d spent three years practically locked up in his family’s estate in Gusu, partly because his uncle was too ashamed to let him out in such a state, partly because Lan Wangji couldn’t even think of trying to go back to normal after that.

Lan Wangji felt as if the weight of those first few years would drag him through the rock and to center of the universe, and he looked towards Wei Wuxian for something: a hint, a clue, anything that would tell him why he had just disappeared. But the only thing he saw was tears lining his cheeks, face pinched in pain, shoulders shaking. It killed whatever anger Lan Wangji could have ever harbored for the silent years between them.

They couldn’t have this conversation now. No matter how long it had been, it was clear to Lan Wangji that both of them had picked at the scab of that trauma until they were festering wounds, with no chance of healing anytime soon. Talking about it now wasn’t going to do anything but bring back sharp memories too painful to bear.

“Where’s your apartment?” Lan Wangji asked with the ghost of a whisper. Walking Wei Wuxian back to wherever he lived seemed the least that Lan Wangji could do at this point. He’d dragged them out to the middle of nowhere, made Wei Wuxian cry, and still he wouldn’t talk about what had happened. The last thing Lan Wangji wanted to do was force him.

He was surprised, then, when Wei Wuxian let out another empty laugh, and shook his head. “What, you’re that curious to see what a wreck I’ve been these past years?” It was a joke, but so half-hearted and probably too close to the truth to do anything but make the mood even worse, if that was possible. Wei Wuxian must have registered this, because he quickly stood to leave. Lan Wangji’s hand flew up to grab his wrist.

“Wei Ying.” He called softly, but terrified to make the wrong move. If he lost him again, Lan Wangji didn’t know how he could recover this time.

“What, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian didn’t try to pull away.

“Let me walk you back.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“There’s nowhere to walk me back to.” Wei Wuxian looked like he regretted the words the moment he spoke them.

“What?” The answer hit Lan Wangji like a gut punch. “You don’t- you don’t have an apartment? Or… anywhere?”

He shook his head. He used his free hand to cover Lan Wangji’s, which was still clinging to Wei Wuxian’s wrist, and gave it a light squeeze. “Sometimes… I bunk with someone else. When I can scrape up enough money to pay rent.”

Lan Wangji was on his feet, but he didn’t remember standing. Whatever tact he had been clinging to disappeared instantly. “Come back to my hotel room. At least for tonight.”

Something in Wei Wuxian’s face froze for a few seconds, but whatever it was vanished behind an achingly familiar act. “So bold, Lan Wangji! What would your uncle think?” He danced closer as his voice dripped in flirtatious notes, words wrapped in a cloying honey.

Wei Wuxian’s face merely inches from him, Lan Wangji could make out the red still tinting his eyes, how deep the bags under his eyes seemed. “He’s not here.”

For the first time since they’d met that night, Wei Wuxian’s laugh sounded real. Pain clawed at Lan Wangji’s throat as he realized just how much he’d missed it.  
Starting back up the dirt trail, Lan Wangji led them both out of the park and back to the metro. He didn’t let go of Wei Wuxian’s wrist the entire way.


	2. Pandora Left Hope In Her Box

Lan Wangji startled awake the next morning when he felt something press onto his side. He flung an arm out to push off whatever warm thing clung to him, until the events of last night crashed down on him like a wave. He settled his breathing as Wei Wuxian rolled into to him again and muttered something in his sleep. It was an odd feeling, waking up beside him after so long, one that made Lan Wangji feel like he was being smothered in déjà vu.

They had, of course, shared a bed before. Sometimes it was for travel, or because Wei Wuxian’s roommate was annoyed with him. Mainly it had been back in college, since Lan Wangji had still been doing his utmost best to ignore Wei Wuxian and the crumpled feeling in his own heart in high school. It had begun slowly, confusingly, making Lan Wangji consistently shoulder Wei Wuxian and his brilliant smile to the side. But soon he found himself staring at absences, watching the clock for when Wei Wuxian was bound to walk in at the last minute, breathless and just-barely late but too charming to receive any actual punishment.

Lan Wangji had been more open in college, and Wei Wuxian had taken his change in stride. He still pretended to find him boring, but a steeliness once there had disappeared, and he had thought Wei Wuxian had still been pretending too, when he continued to invade Lan Wangji’s space and life as if to further his annoyance. But hadn’t he lingered? Hadn’t it been a game?

A faint headache was starting to grow behind his eyes, and Lan Wangji groaned as he extracted himself from Wei Wuxian’s grip. He had a meeting to attend, and such reflections really weren’t good for him.

Eyes bleary, he took a quick shower and got somewhat decent, putting on light grey slacks and a white collared shirt before heading down to the lobby for tea and something to eat. He came back up feeling a bit more awake, and found Wei Wuxian still asleep. Lan Wangji wasn’t surprised.

He finished dressing in front of the small closet just opposite of the bathroom, the large mirror on it providing ample viewing room to watch himself struggle with his tie. Finally getting it right, he sighed and put on the matching suit jacket, trying to picture himself as the dignified and pleasant diplomat he needed to be for today. It was hard, especially when he spotted how much darker the bags under his eyes seemed.

He slipped on his shoes as he thought about what to do with Wei Wuxian. He didn’t want to wake him, but he didn’t want to leave without saying anything, either. Lan Wangji decided to leave a note on the nightstand.

_Wei Ying,_

_I have a meeting with my uncle’s business partners this morning. I should be back before lunch. The lobby offers free breakfast until 10:00am. I’ve left an extra key card for this reason. Please help yourself to anything you need._

_Lan Zhan._

It took every shred of self control he had not to write _please stay_. Instead, he capped the pen and shuffled out of the room slowly. When he looked back, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The image of Wei Wuxian tangled in the sheets and sleeping peacefully seared into his brain as he stared from the threshold. Sunlight filtered in delicately from the semi-closed blinds, illuminating slight curves and sharp edges all with the same warm, yellowed glow. His heart stuttered in a way it hadn’t in a long time, and he hoped desperately that this wouldn’t be the last image he’d have of him.

He closed the door softly and went to the meeting.

``

Lan Wangji managed to crawl back to the hotel just after one, brain barely intact. He’d forgotten just how much Yao liked to hear himself talk, and Lan Wangji could hardly get a word in between the rest of them. The whole thing had been a soul-sucking affair, and he couldn’t be any happier that it was over.

When he got to the door of the hotel room, however, he hesitated. Terrified of the answer, he rapped at the door a little louder than needed, and almost collapsed on the floor when he heard a muffled, “Lan Zhan?”

He opened the door to a bored looking Wei Wuxian lounging in bed on his back, impressively taking up all of it in the extent of his sprawl. His loose hair was wet, and he was still wearing the clothes Lan Wangji had lent him the night before. When he turned to look at Lan Wangji, he broke out in a smile that was bright enough to light up the whole room. “I was starting to get worried! Did you get lost on the way back?”

Lan Wangji snapped out of his reverie long enough to close the door. “No. I forgot how much longer the meetings actually take despite the explicit ending times.” When he looked back, Wei Wuxian had flopped onto his stomach, legs kicked up in the air.

“Sounds boring.”

“Mn.”

“Do you want to get something to eat?” He actually looked sheepish when he said it, eyes suddenly glued to the carpet. “I know a good pizza place around the corner. Unless you want something else.”

“Pizza is good.”

Wei Wuxian practically beamed, making Lan Wangji’s knees weak. He shrugged off the stuffy suit jacket and the tie came off soon after, letting him breathe again. Wei Wuxian was sorting through the bag he had brought back with him, and he pulled out a crumpled shirt, the same hoodie from last night, and a pair of black pants. He excused himself to the bathroom to change, shouting “I just need five seconds, Lan Zhan!”

He could have all seconds in the world if it were up to Lan Wangji.

But he was, indeed, shooting out of the bathroom in close to five seconds. He had also put up his hair, and actually looked pretty good for the rushed job he made of getting ready. Lan Wangji wondered if he had slept past breakfast and was actually starving.

Pulling on his parka, Lan Wangji checked for his phone, wallet, and card key before glancing back up to Wei Wuxian. He was lurking by the door, waiting on him. When Lan Wangji started walking towards him, he lit up into another glorious smile. “I promise it’s delicious, Lan Zhan!” He was cheerful as they walked out the door, and careful to close it all the way behind them. “It’s always packed, but I know a good place to eat nearby!”

Their walk to the pizza place was mostly characterized by Wei Wuxian talking and Lan Wangji humming to show he was still listening, not wanting to interrupt. It was nice. Wei Wuxian told him about famous people he’d run into while in he’d lived here, the places he liked to play his flute. Apparently that had been more of a hobby to pick up some spare change until last week, when he’d been fired for talking back to the manager. _It was so cruel, Lan Zhan, I didn’t even call him all the names I wanted to_ , he pouted. Their conversation stayed in a safe, small-talk zone that neither of them seemed too eager to breach, the memories of the night before still hanging heavy between them.

They arrived at the pizza place just as Wei Wuxian was beginning to tell him about a rat he had seen carrying a whole sandwich across the street (It was huge). When it came time to order their food, Wei Wuxian was full of suggestions for him, and Lan Wangji ended up getting two slices of pizza with olives. Wei Wuxian got four slices of some meat-specialty pizza, and then tried to wrestle him to pay the bill. Lan Wangji batted him off to pay with his card, promising Wei Wuxian he could pay the next time.

Satisfied, they fled the crowded shop and around the corner. Wei Wuxian wasn’t lying when he said he knew a good place to go. It was a just behind the pizza shop, but there was a small, grass clearing with a few trees and a bench, with a car park adjacent to it. Much of the snow from yesterday had melted away in the light of the morning, so they settled on the bench without worrying about getting wet and ate quietly, Wei Wuxian almost inhaling his pizza. When they were done, Wei Wuxian threw their trash into a nearby garbage can and they just… relaxed. Lan Wangji wanted to close his eyes and let his head roll back, happy to melt into the bench and listen to Wei Wuxian’s stories and the liveliness of the city just beyond the alleyway.

“So, Lan Zhan… what have you been up to? I haven’t really let you talk at all, have I?” Wei Wuxian laughed, but it sounded a bit forced. When Lan Wangji turned his face to look at him, his expression was tenser than he thought it’d be.

“Working. Uncle gave me a job at his business. I manage most of the foreign branches, now.” It wasn’t exactly his dream job, but it really hadn’t been up to him anyway. His uncle had all but trained both him and his brother up to be the managers he would need later.

“Ah. Fun, I bet.”

“Not really.”

Wei Wuxian sent him an odd look, but Lan Wangji didn’t know how to respond. Instead, he changed the subject. “It’s okay… if you can’t tell me about why you left. But- are you okay, Wei Ying?” His voice was barely a whisper despite how alone they were in the yard.

Wei Wuxian looked like he hadn’t expected them to go there yet, and he blinked a few times before answering. “I mean- yeah. I’m fine. Do I not look fine?”

As Lan Wangji looked him up and down silently, he thought he did not, in fact, look fine. He was pretty sure his clothes hadn’t been washed in a while, and they seemed threadbare and worn. He did look like he had gotten a fair bit of sleep last night, and the shower had probably helped, but there was something… _unhinged_ about him. Something that made Lan Wangji feel as if pressed in the wrong place, Wei Wuxian would shatter into a million pieces.

Apparently his expression said as much, because Wei Wuxian drew back with a disdainful look and clicked his tongue. “I’m fine, Lan Zhan, really.”

Lan Wangji didn’t want to press him, so he fell silent and looked away. Wei Wuxian filled the uneasy silence by tapping on the bench, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Lan Zhan, you’re just here for a business meeting, right? Have you seen anything else in the city? Other than the park?”

“No.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile brightened considerably. “Is there anything you want to see? The empire state building? The statue of liberty?” He stopped and shook his head. “Well, those usually have long lines, and it’s so late in the afternoon already. I know you have to be back by nine.”

_He still remembers my house’s rules?_

Lan Wangji watched reverently as Wei Wuxian scratched at his nose while in thought. Suddenly his head snapped back up, and he smiled wickedly. “But hold on! Wasn’t it after nine when we met in the metro? Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he was dangerously close now, “what have you turned into, after all these years? Do you break all your rules on a whim, now?”

“No.” Lan Wangji almost had to kick himself to answer, being so absorbed in the way Wei Wuxian had leaned closer when he asked. He schooled his face and replied, “It wasn’t nine in Gusu yet. I was not breaking any rules.”

Wei Wuxian let out a dramatic gasp. “That sounds like an excuse I would make! How terrible, Lan Zhan, you really have turned into a rebel.” He was laughing now, deep and exquisitely real. “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.”

Ears burning, Lan Wangji couldn’t bring himself to look Wei Wuxian in the eyes. An awkward silence fell, quickly remedied by Wei Wuxian coughing and saying, “Ah, but I did think of something! Lan Zhan, have you been to the public library yet?”

Lan Wangji shook his head.

Practically beaming, Wei Wuxian jumped to his feet and reached down almost as quickly to grab Lan Wangji’s arm. “Then we have to go! You’ll love it, it’s huge!”

Without waiting for a response, Wei Wuxian dragged him out into the street. When he looked back, however, his face froze with some realization and he quickly dropped his arm. “Sorry, Sorry! I forgot, you don’t like to touch people.”

Surprised by the apology, Lan Wangji only stared blankly. This wasn’t the way they played the game. Wei Wuxian had always been content to overstep his personal space, so what was the deal now? He probably needed to reply to Wei Wuxian, however, who was still looking slightly… disappointed? Dejected? But he was already losing him in the crowd. Wei Wuxian was good at dodging people, while Lan Wangji kept getting hung up behind the slower ones.

Thankfully, Wei Wuxian noticed and slowed down. When he was close enough, Lan Wangji lightly linked his arm in his. “I don’t mind.” The rules of the game were rusted, anyhow.

Wei Wuxian’s head snapped up lightning fast. Lan Wangji kept his gaze glued to the people in front of him, too terrified to meet the stare Wei Wuxian was burning into the side of his head. _Am I being too brazen?_ He thought as he steered for both of them, since Wei Wuxian seemed to have gone into autopilot.

But a few seconds passed and Wei Wuxian hummed, tightening his grip on Lan Wangji’s arm. He tried not to trip at the feeling.

When they reached the library, Lan Wangji was impressed by the sheer size of it. The classical architecture was spectacular, as were the lions that stood on either side of the building. Wei Wuxian laughed when he told him this.

“I knew you’d like it! Come on, I want to take a selfie by one of the lions.” Wei Wuxian had already started tugging Lan Wangji in that direction before he finished his sentence, and turned around expectantly when they were close enough. “Where’s your phone?”

Lan Wangji reached into his pocket as he asked, “Don’t you want to take it on your phone?” He was sure he knew the answer already, but wondered if Wei Wuxian would at least give him some clue to what happened before.

Wei Wuxian smiled and laughed at him, albeit it seemed dimmed. “I don’t have one. Stand closer- it’s hard to get the lion in the shot with you so far away.”

Of course not, because life doesn’t like to make things easy.

But Lan Wangji was easily distracted as Wei Wuxian tugged him closer. He looked towards the camera, then towards Wei Wuxian’s image. He was smiling like the sun.

Lan Wangji was almost disappointed when Wei Wuxian took one he was satisfied with, but the fact he hadn’t let go of his arm still was a nice balm. They moved inside, and Lan Wangji was dazzled all over again. The space was huge, but the warm lighting inside made it cozy, and beautiful art and texture traced everything. Wei Wuxian happily chatted about everything, even when they got hard glares from the staff. Their visit took longer than Lan Wangji would have anticipated, and the sky was already darkening by the time they stepped back outside.

Due to having a later lunch, they grabbed something light on the way back to Lan Wangji’s hotel room. As they reclined on a bench in one of the less crowded streets to eat, Wei Wuxian surprised him by asking, “When do you leave?”

Lan Wangji didn’t want to look him the eyes. “Tomorrow.” It was an early flight, too, meaning tonight was probably the last real time he’d get to spend with Wei Wuxian. He hadn’t wanted to dwell on it, but the expression Wei Wuxian wore made him wonder if maybe he should have said something sooner.

“Oh.” They ate in silence for a bit longer. Then, “Do you have time to catch breakfast with me in the morning?”

Lan Wangji stared at Wei Wuxian’s profile, who was busy drawing something invisible on the concrete with his shoe. “The flight leaves at three AM.”

Wei Wuxian let out a light sigh. “Ahhh, that’s really too bad.” His shoulders shook as he seemed to silently laugh at a joke Lan Wangji didn’t understand. “It was nice, then, running into you yesterday.” It sounded like he was saying goodbye.

“Come back to Gusu with me.” The words had tumbled out of Lan Wangji’s mouth before he could stop them.

“What?” Wei Wuxian snapped around to face him immediately.

Feeling betrayed by his own body, Lan Wangji wanted to shut his mouth and never speak again. Whatever composure or modicum of self control he had always slipped away like sand between his fingers when he was around this man. But Wei Wuxian was looking at him like he had grown a second head, and Lan Wangji knew he had to at least try to explain himself better. He cleared his throat.

“You- I’m not… taking pity. But, you don’t have a place to stay, or a job. If you can, would you come to Gusu with me? You could take break; look for a job you want.”

Lan Wangji was worried when he stopped rambling, and the silence stretched on. He thought maybe he had offended him, until he heard a soft, “What about your family? Wouldn’t they disapprove?”

“My uncle’s opening an office in California. He’ll be there for a few more weeks. It’s why he sent me here. My brother is staying with a friend- he moved out some time ago.”

He saw Wei Wuxian nod slightly and look forward without really seeing anything. It was maddening, sitting there in suspense. Hopelessness burned in his chest as he stared, unable to stop himself. But finally, Wei Wuxian turned back to Lan Wangji with a smile that knocked the air from his lungs.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more fluff this time! Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm also quickly becoming more aware of the fact I barely had any plot planned, so I'm currently wrangling the rest of my ideas in order for them to make sense. Stay tuned!


	3. Gusu

Getting Wei Wuxian up and ready for a 3:00AM flight was much easier than Lan Wangji could’ve ever imagined.

After coming back to the hotel room, they’d both collapsed in bed after changing, and Lan Wangji had opened his laptop to see what he could do about getting a another plane ticket. Almost all of the seats were booked, but he counted himself lucky that there were still some available. After some finagling, Lan Wangji was able to downgrade his ticket to economy so they could sit next to each other. He prayed Wei Wuxian would let him have the aisle seat, as the window seat had already been claimed and he did not relish the idea of having to fly sandwiched next to a stranger.

While he was putting his laptop away, Wei Wuxian had asked if he could play on Lan Wangji’s phone for a little while. Lan Wangji approved, and promptly fell asleep after making sure there was a timer set for 12:00.

When he woke up to the alarm blaring, Wei Wuxian didn’t even look like he had moved. He gazed slyly over at Lan Wangji and waggled an eyebrow. “You look even sleepier than before, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji huffed and turned over, eliciting quiet waves of laughter from Wei Wuxian. “Did you sleep?”

“No, I’ll nap on the plane.”

Lan Wangji couldn’t say it was a bad plan, so he crawled out of the covers and into the bathroom for a quick shower. The cold water helped him feel a bit more like a human being and not some muddled zombie, and he took longer than needed. When he stepped out of the bathroom, he saw Wei Wuxian had already changed into another (or the same?) pair of black jeans and a red shirt, which looked achingly good on him. He was busy trying to comb the knots out of his hair with one hand while he held Lan Wangji’s phone in the other.

Now that his brain was working again, Lan Wangji suddenly remembered something. “Did you need to pick up anything before we leave?”

He looked up slowly. “Um, no. I just have my bag,” Wei Wuxian responded.

“Oh.” Lan Wangji whispered, the noise punched out of his chest sorely. He bent over and busied himself with making sure everything was packed. There wasn’t much left to do; Lan Wangji rarely sprawled out in places that weren’t his.

Wei Wuxian moved onto putting to his hair back up into a pony-tail, which was only slightly distracting. When he was finished, he fell back on the bed. “Lan Zhan, do we have time for coffee before we leave?” A low whine had crept into his voice.

Lan Wangji finished zipping up his suitcase. “What time is it?”

“Twelve-thirty.”

“If we leave now, we’ll have time.”

Wei Wuxian perked back up at that. “Are you ready?”

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian practically flew off the bed, then, and hastily began putting on his shoes. Lan Wangji finished tidying the apartment and made sure to leave a tip on the nightstand. Then he met a very energetic Wei Wuxian by the door, who all but pushed him out as soon as he had his shoes on. Lan Wangji let him take his suitcase if it gave him something to do, and they checked out and arrived at the airport in what felt like a blur.

Lan Wangji had to keep looking at Wei Wuxian; he still wasn’t convinced that this was reality. Every time he lost sight of him he felt a slight panic rise in his throat until he spotted his hair, wrapped in that red band, or his eyes, crinkling in a smile that seemed to be coming easier now, or the outline of his shoulders from behind.

There was another moment of panic when they reached the sign-in desk, and Lan Wangji silently froze while handing over his ID as he realized Wei Wuxian was legally dead. And he’d need an ID to fly. Before he could say anything, however, Wei Wuxian had produced one and handed it over to the worker while giving Lan Wangji a small wink. She studied both of them, typed something into the computer, and handed them back. “Have a nice flight.”

Lan Wangji was too surprised to do anything other than nod. As they were walking away, he caught Wei Wuxian’s wrist before he could put the ID away. “Wei Ying… how-?”

Wei Wuxian happily leant closer and showed him his fake ID. “I got it from a buddy. It’s the best I’ve seen.” As Lan Wangji inspected it closer, he saw the name on the card was Mo Xuanyu.

The image of Wei Wuxian hiding out under a false name so far away and for so long frustrated Lan Wangji immediately, and not for the first time. He still had so many questions that always seemed to swim in his brain when Wei Wuxian was around.

But having him there helped Lan Wangji get through the turmoil and cluster of the airport, too. His rambling made the time practically fly by, and the inhuman amount of energy he had seemed to rub off, which was good for when they were waiting on the floor of the terminal. If Wei Wuxian hadn’t been eagerly laughing and filling the time with idle talk, Lan Wangji was sure he would have been asleep on the carpet by the time they were called to board.

Wei Wuxian was surprised at first when he saw they were destined for economy. “Lan Zhan, I expected nothing worse than first class for the foreign-branch manager,” he drawled as they walked up the on-ramp. Lan Wangji didn’t respond, too embarrassed to admit he’d changed his ticket. Instead, he focused on finding their seats and stuffing both Wei Wuxian’s bag and his carry on in one of the compartments overhead.

To his relief, Wei Wuxian was happy to take the middle seat. He slid in and smoothly introduced both himself and Lan Wangji to the old woman who was by the window. She seemed nice, and they both chattered happily as people filled in the remainder of the seats.

It was cramped in economy, and Lan Wangji was already uncomfortable from stuffing his long legs behind the chair in front of him. In an effort to distract himself, he pulled his phone out from his pocket (he had finally gotten it back after their wait in the terminal) and turned it on to check the time. To his surprise, the lock screen, which had been a simple landscape picture of the mountains back in Gusu, was now changed to a picture of Wei Wuxian. He was smiling and holding up a peace sign, the hotel window visible in the background. When Lan Wangji unlocked it, he found the home screen had been changed too. Instead of a cartoon rabbit, it was the selfie they had taken in front of the library. His felt breathless again, and sneaked a sideways glance to Wei Wuxian. He was still busy speaking with the old woman, who was now… giving him tips on cooking? Which was amusing, as the last time Lan Wangji remembered him trying to cook anything was the day he set a pan on fire.

He replaced his phone in his pocket and leaned his head back. Lan Wangji was happy to finally let his eyes droop close, the last thing he felt being a hand on his wrist as the plane shook while it took off.

‘’

“Lan Zhan.” Something was squeezing his hand.

Lan Wangji forced his eyes open, though the process took a few seconds. “Mn.”

“We’re here.”

Lan Wangji had slept hard on the plane, only rousing a few times when the turbulence was particularly rough. By the way Wei Wuxian blinked and his hair looked, he was roughly the same. They stretched slowly before gathering their bags from the overhead. When they were off the ramp, they both said goodbye to the old woman and stood half-asleep at the luggage return. Finally, Lan Wangji’s spotted his suitcase on the conveyor belt and they bolted from the crowded airport, squinting hard as they stepped out in the bright daylight outside.

As Lan Wangji called a taxi, Wei Wuxian looked at him curiously. “No one’s coming to pick you up?”

Lan Wangji shook his head. “Everyone’s busy.”

It’s not like Lan Wangji had many people to ask that favor of, anyway. He wasn’t one for friends, though he had managed to make a few lasting connections (like Mianmian), which meant he had to rely on family. His uncle was away, and Xichen was currently… doing whatever he did with Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue. Not that he didn’t approve, but as his younger brother, Lan Wangji was perfectly fine with not knowing.

Wei Wuxian nodded silently before helping Lan Wangji stuff his luggage into the trunk of the taxi that pulled up next to them. While the airport was already on the outskirts of the city, they still had to suffer through the forty minute drive it took to get to Gusu, as it was a bit farther removed in the mountains. Wei Wuxian tried valiantly to make lively conversation with both Lan Wangji and the driver, but it was clear that he was exhausted from the trip, and the latter half of the drive was spent more or less in silence.

Lan Wangji was ridiculously excited as he saw the first glimpse of the estate peek through the low hanging mist from between the hills. He would never let it show in his face, of course, but he was sure the way his body fully relaxed at the sight was visible. With a bit more energy than he’d had during the entire trip, Lan Wangji guided the driver past the main house (his uncle’s) until finally they reached the Jingshi. He paid the driver and tipped him as Wei Wuxian got out to retrieve their luggage.

Lan Wangji breathed in the smell of deep woods and pine as he climbed out of the taxi, and the rest of the tension he’d been holding evaporating instantly. He turned to see Wei Wuxian staring off somewhere else, lost in thought. Lan Wangji was scared to disturb him, unable to make out the expression on his face. But he needed his keys, so reached over to grab his carry-on that was still in Wei Wuxian’s hands. Their hands touched lightly, which startled him back to the present.

“Oh! Sorry- here, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian all but chucked the bag into Lan Wangji’s chest, which made him send a reproachful look as he reached inside for his keys.

Wei Wuxian inhaled sharply, but seemed to think better of it and closed his mouth as he looked away.

They walked to the door silently, and when Lan Wangji opened it, he was greeted by the soft smell of sandalwood. It almost made him collapse in the doorway, but Wei Wuxian was behind him and probably just as tired as he was, so he herded him up the stairs to give him a small tour. He showed him the bathroom, which he gave Wei Wuxian the right to use first, and then the two upstairs rooms, where he quickly remembered what he’d forgotten to tell Wei Wuxian during the whole trip.

With a stiff posture, he slowly pointed to the room at the end of the hallway and said “My son’s room,” before quickly moving on, “And this is my room.” He walked into his own and set his suitcase down on the bed, leaving Wei Wuxian spluttering in the hallway.

“What- Lan Zhan! Hey!” Wei Wuxian darted in after him and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to turn back around. “What do you mean, “my son’s room.” Oh my god, did you get married? But you don’t have a ring- you have a son?” His hand was still clutching Lan Wangji’s shoulder hard, like he was scared he’d run away.

Lan Wangji waited patiently for his rambling to end before quietly responding. “Do you remember the boy you tutored for the foster program?”

It had been somewhat of a shock to hear Wei Wuxian becoming a tutor, all those years ago, even more after knowing it was for little kids. But Wei Wuxian had been a foster kid as well, which is why Lan Wangji assumed he would have been interested. During his time as a tutor, Wei Wuxian had always talked about one boy in particular, whom Lan Wangji had even met once. After Wei Wuxian’s… sudden departure, Lan Wangji had learned the boy was getting put back into the system when his current caregivers became compromised. It hadn’t been a hard decision after that, to go to the foster center and ask to adopt him.

Wei Wuxian’s face had gone catatonic at his question, and Lan Wangji briefly wondered if he’d forgotten. But a softness glazed over his eyes as he stared at Lan Wangji and asked, “A-Yuan? You adopted him?”

Lan Wangji reached up to grab the hand that was still on his shoulder. He squeezed it briefly. “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes dropped down to their hands. “I always worried about what happened to him. Thank you, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji couldn’t stop the uplifting of his lips as he looked down at Wei Wuxian fondly, so he dropped his hand and turned around before Wei Wuxian could see his expression. “He goes to the same academy I did. He’s gone during the week, but he’ll be back this weekend.” He started to unzip his suitcase and throw the old clothes in a laundry hamper near the bed. “Is that okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before we left. I should have.” He turned to meet Wei Wuxian’s eyes as he hovered next to him.

Wei Wuxian’s smile was radiant. “It’s fine, Lan Zhan. I’m… happy. For you- and him.”

His voice seemed dangerously hoarse, so Lan Wangji nodded and changed the subject. “Do you want to give me your dirty clothes, too?”

Wei Wuxian blinked, then laughed. “Ah, Lan Zhan. I just got here, don’t make me guilt you into doing laundry already.”

“I don’t mind.”

Wei Wuxian smiled softly at him. “Okay,” he replied, then started to fish out the clothes from his bag. When he was done, they parted in the hallway and Lan Wangji traveled downstairs to the washer. After starting a load of laundry, he drifted to the couch, where he finally sat down and exalted in the feeling of being home.

This journey had mentally sucker-punched him. He was still reeling from the knowledge that upstairs, in his house, _Wei Wuxian_ was taking a shower. It made him happy, and angry, and incredibly sad, and confused, all at the same time. Lan Wangji still felt like he shouldn’t push Wei Wuxian for answers, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t difficult. Why couldn’t he at least explain what he was doing in New York, or why his wallet and phone had been found on a dead man? Did Wei Wuxian even know that last fact?

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, Lan Wangji tasked himself with putting blankets and pillows out on the couch for Wei Wuxian. It felt slightly rude, to make him take the couch, but Lan Wangji didn’t want to just assume Wei Wuxian would be fine still sharing a bed with him. The idea of even asking made his ears turn red.

He was busy stir-frying vegetables when Wei Wuxian stumbled in, hair down and still looking half-asleep. He wandered close to see what was in the pan, his wet hair dragging lightly across Lan Wangji’s shoulder as he did so. Lan Wangji had to make an effort to keep his eyes glued to the pan.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, that smells amazing.” He must have turned his head somewhat to look at him, because Lan Wangji could feel the ghost of his breath on his neck.

“Mn.” He managed to reply.

“Oh, is there rice too?” Wei Wuxian stepped away to inspect the pot on the stove, and Lan Wangji told himself inwardly to relax.

“It should be done soon.”

When Lan Wangji stole a glance his way, his heart seemed to stop as Wei Wuxian smiled again.

When it was finished, Lan Wangji dumped heaping portions of rice into two bowls, then smothered them in vegetables and sauce. As they carried their bowls to a small table in between the kitchen and the living room, Lan Wangji made sure to grab a small jar from the fridge. He placed it in front of Wei Wuxian as they sat down, who narrowed in on it instantly.

“Lan Zhan, you keep hot sauce here? In your house?”

“Mn.”

It wasn’t that Lan Wangji was a fan of it. Years of growing up on his uncle’s mild food made him sensitive to slightest hint of spice, but after Wei Wuxian’s supposed death… it had been like an anchor, both drowning and grounding him at the same time. Especially during the first few years, when he felt like the weight of everything would shatter him, he’d drench his food in it and eat until he was sobbing.

But in the present, Wei Wuxian was staring at him incredulously, and Lan Wangji had to look away. “No talking during meals.” He started shoving food in his mouth before Wei Wuxian could respond.

Instead of saying anything else, Wei Wuxian laughed and drizzled a fair amount of sauce on his food before he started eating, too.

After, Lan Wangji put both of their bowls in the sink (he’d do the dishes in the morning), and corralled Wei Wuxian into the living room. It was a bit early, but from the way Wei Wuxian’s eyelids drooped, Lan Wangji knew he needed to rest.

It didn’t take much effort on his part, and he walked Wei Wuxian through the tv controls before going to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. When he was done, he walked back into the living room to see Wei Wuxian leaning on the back of the couch, waiting for him. He froze slightly, and Wei Wuxian gave him a small smile that didn’t show his teeth, but felt just as genuine.

“Thanks, Lan Zhan.”

“Mn.” Feeling warm, Lan Wangji turned and headed up the stairs to his own room. When he laid down, the image of Wei Wuxian’s tired smile lingered, and he covered his face with his hands as his ears burned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh this chapter was mostly plot, but hopefully there will be more emotion in the next one. Thank you for reading, as always! Unfortunately I go back to working full time this week, so updates may come a bit slower :( Stay safe! Drink water!
> 
> P.S. It's probably been almost a decade since I've been on a plane, so there may be some inaccuracies. My apologies.


	4. The Silent March of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some cussing in this scene!

Lan Wangji smelled something burning as he pushed back the shower curtain.

Half-asleep and half-panicked, he rushed drying off and threw on his clothes. When he swung open the bathroom door it was even worse, and Lan Wangji raced down the stairs. He found the living room empty, as the culprit was in the kitchen.

Wei Wuxian was moving around with jerking movements, clearly trying to save whatever burning thing was in the pan on the stove. He flipped in experimentally, then almost dropped the pan entirely when he noticed Lan Wangji glaring from the foot of the staircase, arms crossed and face scrunched in a scowl.

“Ahh- Lan Zhan! Good morning, good morning! I was just- I’m trying at breakfast, and you got up a _bit_ earlier than I thought you would.”

“Wei Ying, I smell something burning.”

Wei Wuxian laughed half-heartedly, then leaned over the pan to give it a sniff. “It’s only a little burnt.”

Lan Wangji sighed and walked over to his side to take the pan. He dropped whatever was in it into the trash bin and then looked over to a bowl of what looked like batter. “Were you trying to make pancakes?”

Wei Wuxian deflated. “Yeah. I just wanted to do something nice- to thank you for letting me come back here. I mean, I remember how much of a pain I was to you in high school. And college. Shit, Lan Zhan, are you sure you thought this out?”

It was early, and Lan Wangji felt tired as the adrenaline drained from his system, but Wei Wuxian was already making him want to smile. “Mn.” He used a measuring cup to scoop more batter into the pan, and knocked the temperature setting on the stove top down a few notches. “Thank you, Wei Ying.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wei Wuxian freeze slightly. As he turned to see him better, Wei Wuxian broke into a series of laughs. “You’re thanking me for almost burning your kitchen down?”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

“Pftt. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Maybe it’s not a bad road.”

It really was too early for such a philosophical conversation, so they fell into a somewhat comfortable silence then, punctuated by the occasional tap of the pan as Lan Wangji flipped more pancakes. At some point a second alarm went off on Lan Wangji’s phone upstairs, so he sent Wei Wuxian to get it. When he came back, he looked dazed. “Lan Zhan, you kept the lockscreen?”

Lan Wangji froze with the pan lifted half in the air, his brain screeching to a halt. What was he supposed to say? Of course he had kept the lockscreen, Wei Wuxian’s picture was beautiful. But could he admit that? Was it not normal to keep it? It’s not like these types of interactions were normal for him. Lan Wangji settled for “You can change it if you want,” as a response, seeing as it seemed the safest to leave the decision to Wei Wuxian. He was a sociable person; surely he knew the etiquette for such things.

Lan Wangji heard a huff of laughter behind him. In a second, Wei Wuxian had pranced over to his side. He leaned flirtingly over the counter next to Lan Wangji, bending his elbow to rest his head on his hand. “Am I that pretty, Lan Zhan?”

“Ridiculous.” Was all Lan Wangji could choke out, which drew even more giggles out of Wei Wuxian. They floated through the air like a sweet melody, and Lan Wangji suddenly wished that morning would never end. The smell of pancakes was soothing, and the rays of the just-risen sun illuminated the white kitchen in a golden layer of brilliance. It reminded Lan Wangji of their younger days, when the world didn’t seem so cruel or time so heavy.

He stole a glimpse of Wei Wuxian’s face as he smiled and laughed, and marveled at the way the sunshine smoothed over his cheekbones and lightened his features. He looked so much younger now, and so different from when Lan Wangji had found him in the subway tunnel. He noticed Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes had more of a grey tint now in the light, and Lan Wangji turned back to the pan. “Does Wei Ying want tea with breakfast?”

“Mmmm… I’d rather have wine.”

“Behave.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan. Of course, I haven’t forgotten your family’s rules.” He sighed, but looked around diligently for the kettle anyways.

“Third cabinet to the right.” Lan Wangji supplied helpfully.

Wei Wuxian perused his collection of tea bags before selecting a satchel of green tea. He filled the kettle up and set it down on the burner catty-corner to the one Lan Wangji was using, but didn’t move away after. Instead, he drew even closer, his head inches away from Lan Wangji’s as he finished up on the last of the pancakes. “Who taught you to cook so well, Lan Zhan? I’m jealous.”

“It’s just pancakes.”

“Don’t say it like that! It sounds like your mocking me.” He whined out the last part, his bottom lip poking out to form a small pout.

Lan Wangji exhaled in a small huff, his version of a laugh, before stilling. “My mother.”

“Oh.” Wei Wuxian drew back.

Lan Wangji flipped the finished pancake onto the collection plate before dropping in the last of the batter. “I don’t remember much… but she taught me small tips.” It was barely any information, and vague at that, but it was more than Lan Wangji was used to talking about his mother. It was still painful to think about, but at this point, what wasn’t?

He glanced over to Wei Wuxian, whose eyes were dropped low, studying the pale tile floor. “I barely remember my mom’s face.” He admitted quietly, then seemed to catch himself. Looking up, he plastered a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. “But I have a shit memory, so what’s new?” He forced out a laugh, then turned to ruffle through the cabinets for some cups. Lan Wangji let him find his way through silently.

Flipping the final pancake onto the completed stack, Lan Wangji then moved the plate to the kitchen table. He grabbed two more plates and some silverware as Wei Wuxian poured them both tea. Lan Wangji ate silently (or at least tried), while Wei Wuxian rattled on about more failed cooking attempts. It was surprising he hadn’t burned down a house by now, even if he’d gotten close a few times.

After he finished eating, Lan Wangji became a bit more talkative. “A-Yuan comes home tomorrow. I’ll make sure I call him today so he knows you’ll be here, if that’s fine with you.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes lit up beautifully. “I can’t wait to see him again. How big is he now? Is he as tall as me? How are his grades? He was such a smart kid- he must be doing good in the academy.”

Lan Wangji was perfectly happy to indulge all of Wei Wuxian’s questions. “He’s almost as tall as you. And he’s very smart. His grades are perfect. And he picked up the violin at school.”

“Did you help teach him?”

“Mn.”

“I bet he’s amazing, then.” He smiled, before his face grew tense. A shadow seemed to pass over his eyes. “You don’t think he’ll be angry, do you?” Wei Wuxian drew his fork against the empty plate, drawing in the leftover syrup. “That I left. I mean- never mind, I was just his tutor. It doesn’t matter.” He laughed as he stood, beginning to clear away the table.

“He missed you, after. He’ll be very happy to see you again, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s face grew soft, and they settled into silence as they began to do the dishes. Lan Wangji washed them with Wei Wuxian helping to dry. But as Wei Wuxian stood leaning on the counter, a blue bowl in his hands, he seemed to space out. He stilled, staring off beyond the living room. Lan Wangji closed off the tap when he was done with the last dish, and reached out to gently touch Wei Wuxian’s arm. He flinched and dropped the bowl.

It shattered on impact, blue shards flying everywhere. Wei Wuxian all but screamed “Fuck!” as he bent over to pick up the pieces, Lan Wangji hovering just over him as he tried to forget the way his body had frozen and burned at the same time to see Wei Wuxian recoil from his touch. The image repeated like a stuck record, and Lan Wangji pushed it down as he knelt beside Wei Wuxian, who was scrambling to pick up everything while muttering a stream of apologies. “I’m so sorry, Lan Zhan, oh my god, I don’t know what happened it just slipped- I’m really sorry-“

“Wei Ying, it’s fine.” Scared of touching him again, Lan Wangji started to collect the broken shards.

Wei Wuxian was still now, holding the shards of the bowl in his hands, face looking pained. “I’m so sorry. I can buy you a new one.”

“No need.”

“Lan Zhan, really. It’s like, the least I can do? I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to make this morning hell for you.”

“Wei Ying, you don’t have to- and it hasn’t been.” He stood up to find the broom, and pulled the trash can over so Wei Wuxian could throw away the broken bowl. He made him stand where he was as Lan Wangji swept around him. He paused as he got closer to Wei Wuxian’s feet. “You got cut.”

“Oh?” Wei Wuxian leaned down to look at his leg, which was sporting a thin line of red just above his inner ankle. A droplet fell as he moved, tracing the jutting bone before continuing down to his foot.

Lan Wangji reached for the paper towels and handed a sheet to Wei Wuxian. He then started clearing a path for him to walk to the bathroom for a band-aid. Wei Wuxian hobbled awkwardly out, and Lan Wangji made sure to sweep up any tiny pieces still left on the floor. He was putting away the broom and trash can when Wei Wuxian walked back in, face looking extremely guilty.

“Lan Zh-

“Wei Ying. You don’t need to apologize.” Lan Wangji held up a hand, sure that it was exactly what he was about to do. “You should focus on resting today. You must still be tired.” Slightly late for work now, Lan Wangji started towards the stairs so he could finish getting dressed. “I’ll be at work, so you’ll have the house to yourself.”

“Ah. Um- thank you, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian was standing awkwardly by the couch when Lan Wangji paused on the fifth step and turned around slightly.

“And you don’t have to thank me. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.” He tried to sound as sincere as possible, making sure to meet Wei Wuxian’s eyes. Then he darted up the stairs for a speedy period of getting ready before dashing out, Wei Wuxian giving him a wave and a smile as he shut the door.

‘’

Lan Wangji was relieved to be home as he pulled into the driveway. He’d stayed later than he’d wanted to, and the sun was already like a dying ember on the horizon. It washed everything out in red and painted long shadows across the Jingshi, contrasting harshly with the usual serene image of it.

He trudged wearily to the door. Just before he could put his key in the lock, it swung wide open to reveal a grinning Wei Wuxian. He was in black sweatpants and shirt with his hair up. His smile blew straight through Lan Wangji’s heart, and it felt like a small struggle to make it through the threshold without stumbling.

“Lan Zhan! You’re home!” Wei Wuxian took Lan Wangji’s briefcase as he bent to take off his shoes and put it on the kitchen table. “How was work? Do you always stay that long? Your uncle really likes to work you hard, doesn’t he?”

“I have to take over some of Uncle’s work while he’s away. I apologize if you were bored of waiting.” Lan Wangji slid off his suit jacket and sighed, slowly decompressing from the day.

“Not at all! I know you said I should rest, but I made myself a little busy! I folded laundry!” He pointed happily to a basket on the couch.

Lan Wangji paused while loosening his tie. “Thank you, Wei Ying.”

“It’s nothing, Lan Zhan.” He scratched his nose. “I wanted to try to make dinner, but I didn’t know when you’d be home, and I’m not the best cook…”

Lan Wangji may have let a small frown take over his expression. “I would encourage you to wait until I’m home.”

Wei Wuxian laughed at that, and he slid closer to where Lan Wangji was standing. He smelled like soap and sandalwood. “So what is for dinner?”

They settled on takeout, as Lan Wangji was exhausted from work and also didn’t want to be putting out any fires Wei Wuxian might make in the kitchen. Lan Wangji changed into something more comfortable and put away the laundry as Wei Wuxian chattered about other chores he’d done that day. They were still talking upstairs when the food arrived, and Wei Wuxian practically flew down the steps in excitement.

Lan Wangji followed behind, and paid the bill as Wei Wuxian took the food to the kitchen. They made their plates on the counter before going to the kitchen table, where Wei Wuxian was almost silent as he scarfed down his food.

It was peaceful when they were finished. The sun had dipped below the sky by then, so a muted darkness clung to the window panes. They were sipping the last of the tea and talking in hushed tones, eyes crinkling and laughter traded softly. Lan Wangji felt lighter than he had in years, despite the shadows creeping in from all corners. Maybe that was what made him ask.

“Wei Ying… would you be able to tell me what happened, now?” It was barely a whisper.

Wei Wuxian stopped immediately, his face falling blank as he stared across the table. The way the mood of the room shifted instantly felt like a misstep. “What do you mean, Lan Zhan?” It was a line cast to save them from drifting into that conversation. Lan Wangji could turn back.

“Why did you leave the hospital… and just never come back? What made you go to New York?” Lan Wangji was too desperate to know.

Wei Wuxian was tracing the lip of his cup with his finger absent-mindedly. “I wanted to get out of this city.” He stated it so simply, like a matter of fact.

“And you’d go without telling anyone? Without taking anything?”

“Must I tell everyone my plans? Did I need to ask permission or something?” His voice was terse, as harsh as the lines carving his face now.

“We were… worried, Wei Ying. No one could get a hold of you, and then- and then we found a body. It had your phone and your wallet near it, which is why-“ He had to stop for a second. “Whoever it was, it looked like they had jumped from the top of the building. We thought it was you. Do you know anything about that?”

Wei Wuxian wouldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, his face slung downwards in the direction of the table. “I was robbed a week after leaving. Some drugged-up guy got me in an alley- I guess that was him.”

It hurt to picture it, and even more so to hear how casually Wei Wuxian could say it. “Why didn’t you come back, then?” Lan Wangji heard the moment his voice dipped, how it caught on the word _back._

“Because I didn’t want to.” Wei Wuxian shrugged his shoulders, and Lan Wangji felt a flair of frustration run through him.

“Why not, Wei Wuxian? I know-"

“What do you know, Lan Wangji?” Wei Wuxian practically spit across the table, his face pinched in anger. “What business is it of yours to know, anyway? Why do you care?”

“I thought we were friends.” His admission came out quiet, his fists white-knuckled under the table.

“Really?” Wei Wuxian scoffed. “I don’t remember being anything more than a nuisance to you.”

Lan Wangji felt physically stung. He reeled for a second before replying. “You have a shit memory.”

He stood then, and went to place his dishes in the sink. He could feel Wei Wuxian’s incredulous gaze boring into him, but Lan Wangji couldn’t bring himself to look back. Instead he retreated up the stairs, each step feeling like he was carrying a cement weight on his foot. When he crawled into bed, he couldn’t sleep, and just stared at the ceiling overhead while he listened to the noises downstairs.

Eventually he heard a chair move and something clink. After that there was a faint rustling, and Lan Wangji’s heart pounded dangerously as he waited to hear the sound of a door opening and closing. It never came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, finally some answers. But do you have more questions? Stay tuned!


	5. I Missed You

The next morning was… strained, to say in the least. Wei Wuxian said little as opposed to his normal flow of jokes and stories, and Lan Wangji just felt tired. He hadn’t slept much that night, and had woken with an egregious headache. The first thing he did when he got downstairs was to take ibuprofen with water, which Wei Wuxian watched but didn’t comment on.

Breakfast was a silent affair. The sunlight from the kitchen window streamed in golden and dancing, giving a strange contrast to the gloomy mood inside. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji traded studying glances across the table, yet always managed to look away before they could make any real eye contact. Time trickled by painfully, and Lan Wangji was already wondering how he was going to make it through work. The only thing keeping him moving throughout the morning was the fact he got to bring A-Yuan home for the weekend.

Wei Wuxian was clearing his dishes off the table when he finally decided to start speaking again. “You leave your laptop here when you go to work, right? Can I use it to start job hunting?” His back was turned to him as he started rinsing off his plate.

Lan Wangji paused, feeling too many conflicting emotions all at once. “Yes.”

Some of the tension dropped in Wei Wuxian’s shoulders. “Thanks.”

He finished his breakfast and brought his dishes over to the sink. Wei Wuxian took them fluidly to start washing them, and Lan Wangji picked up a nearby rag to begin drying the ones he had already cleaned. The silence they settled back into was a bit more restless than the one between them at the start of the morning. He met Wei Wuxian’s gaze and they both froze where they were, standing on the precipice of all the unspoken things in between them. Lan Wangji felt like he needed to say something.

But what? Should he apologize for last night? Part of him wanted to, the part that remembered the way Wei Wuxian’s wrists and hands felt when he held them and the softness in his face in the morning. The part that was patient and happy to coax out as much time between them as possible. The part that still lingered from their younger days when Lan Wangji finally understood his crush and had been filled with so much warmth just at the sight of Wei Wuxian’s smile.

But there was still another part of him that was torrid and angry, the part that wouldn’t let him forget the way Wei Wuxian had changed, how he went stiff when Lan Wangji’s questions were wrong and his eyes sharpened in a challenge. The way he flinched, which Lan Wangji felt guilty obsessing over but couldn’t _stop._ That part that kept reminding him that Wei Wuxian would leave again, because it’s not like they could ever be anything more than two stupid teenagers who only knew how to annoy each other. It felt like that part won then, because instead of saying anything he remained silent.

Lan Wangji put away the last dish and headed up the stairs. He came down ready for work and set his briefcase by the door as he started to put on his shoes. “I’m picking A-Yuan up from the academy at four, so I’ll be home earlier than last night.”

Wei Wuxian had come closer and was now leaning against the couch, nodding slowly.

Lan Wangji looked up to catch Wei Wuxian’s gaze, and he finally noticed how deep the bags under his eyes looked, how wan his face was. He knew he must be tired, too. “Don’t-” He stopped, trying to figure out a better way to word what he wanted to convey. Wei Wuxian was patient by the couch, face inscrutable. “You should rest.” He said quietly, before slipping out the door.

At work, he wasn’t in much better shape. He’d snapped at two people already that morning, which must have spread like wildfire around the office because by noon he’d had a call from Lan Xichen asking if they could meet up for lunch. He assented with a barely contained sigh, and was soon waiting in front of his car in the parking garage. The void atmosphere was almost a nice break, the space feeling as liminal as he did.

He heard the echoes of his footsteps before he saw Lan Xichen walking up the ramp. He looked like the prime example of a businessman today, with his pristine white suit and pose. His smile was small and measured, but Lan Wangji could tell he was in a good mood. He waved in his direction when they made eye contact, and Lan Wangji nodded in response.

“Do you have somewhere in mind?” Lan Wangji asked when he was closer, blunt.

“Have you tried the new tea shop around the corner of Caiyi Street? It’s said to be quite good.” Lan Xichen responded placidly, quite used to Lan Wangji’s lack of interest in small talk.

He dipped his head and walked to the driver side. Lan Xichen got in shotgun and was silent until Lan Wangji pulled out of the garage.

“Has anything been going on recently, Lan Wangji?” He asked innocently, hands folded neatly in his lap.

Lan Wangji gave him a sideways glare and kept driving. He hadn’t told him about Wei Wuxian just yet, and the less he said, the better.

With the patience of a saint, Lan Xichen simply cocked his head and said, “You seem a bit tense today. Are you still tired from your trip? I apologize for sending you to the meetings. I can go next time, if it’s easier.”

“No need.” He sighed.

Lan Xichen nodded, smile still plastered amicably to his face. “And speaking of the trip- I noticed there were two tickets charged to the business card. Should I call the company about the double-charge?”

Lan Wangji’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel. He’d been so rattled recently he’d forgotten the business card was the one attached to the tickets, not his own card. Now he was trapped in the car with his brother, the one person who knew every micro-expression on his face. His brain blanked as he tried to think of a response.

“Wangji?” Lan Xichen didn’t even look bothered, but had the air of a sibling who’d caught the other in a secret.

Lan Wangji cleared his throat. There was no avoiding it, then. “I found Wei Ying.”

That made Lan Xichen pause. He blinked in surprise, and turned to study Lan Wangji more intensely. “In New York? How?”

Pulling into a parking space by the tea shop, Lan Wangji managed to avoid answering until they were inside and had ordered. It was crowded and loud, which made Lan Wangji instantly uncomfortable, especially with the conversation he was supposed to be having now. “He was in the subway station. We met by chance. I brought him back to Gusu with me.” Lan Wangji was stiff as concrete as they took up seats near the window.

“Does anyone else know? What about his brother?” Lan Xichen’s eyebrows were pinched together in concern.

Lan Wangji looked at his tea, feeling a mixture of guilt and anger curl against his stomach. It was inappropriate, of course, to keep hiding Wei Wuxian away in Gusu without telling anyone. He had friends that missed him, and Uncle would probably faint to know that he was under Lan Wangji’s roof. And Jiang Cheng… he didn’t care about Jiang Cheng. He still remembered with burning clarity the things he’d shouted at Wei Wuxian that night in the hospital.

How the fluorescent lights made the white space look dead; the bustle of staff contrasting harshly to how alone Lan Wangji had felt as he shuffled through the hallways looking for Wei Wuxian. How he’d finally found him by following Jiang Cheng’s screaming voice. He'd stood over the small figure in the hospital bed, saying _"Why couldn’t it have been you?”_

He was interrupted from his thoughts by Lan Xichen, who had sighed and given him a disappointed look. “So you haven’t told anyone else.” He said knowingly. “Wangji. They deserve to know. What happened all those years ago? And will Wei Wuxian be going back to New York?”

Lan Wangji sipped his tea as he listened to Xichen’s questions, and took his sweet time to think of his answer. He could tell he was irritating his brother by his silence and determination to draw out the conversation as long as possible. They only had so much time for lunch; it would be a shame if they had to go back to work before Lan Xichen got to ask everything he wanted.

“I’m letting Wei Ying rest for now. He’ll let others know in his own time.” He set his cup down softly on the table. “He’s telling me little. All I know is he was robbed a week after he left, which would explain why the… stranger had his things.”

“And he’s staying? At the Jingshi?”

“For now. As long as he needs.”

Lan Xichen gave him a look, but didn’t try to argue. He knew better than anyone else how stubborn Lan Wangji could be. They paused their conversation to eat when their orders were called out, but Lan Xichen was back to questioning him once they were finished.

“You should at least tell Uncle.”

“I wouldn’t want to bother him while he’s away. He must be stressed enough.”

“Wangji.”

“I’ll let him know when he gets home.”

Lan Xichen sighed. “What about A-Yuan?”

“He knows. He’s excited to see him again tonight.” Lan Wangji softened when he thought of how happy A-Yuan had been when he’d broken the news over the phone.

His brother seemed satisfied with this answer, at least. He nodded before draining the rest of his tea, then fixed Lan Wangji with an intense stare. “What about you?”

It wasn’t something Lan Wangji had been expecting to hear. “What?”

“How are you handling all of this?” His voice was gentler, and Lan Wangji felt his throat seize up immediately. He found that he didn’t want to answer.

“We should go, or we’ll be late.” He said tersely. Lan Xichen was his brother, and his silence on the matter should be as good of an answer to him as any. He stood quickly and Lan Xichen, thankfully, didn’t have anything else to comment. Their ride back to the office was mostly silent. It was only when they were in the parking garage again that Lan Xichen turned to Lan Wangji.

“I won’t tell anyone. But you should take care in how you tread, Wangji.” They parted ways after his brother’s ominous warning, and Lan Wangji tried to be a bit more patient through the rest of the day.

When it was time for him to leave, Lan Wangji almost ran out the office door. He felt the same rush he did seeing the academy building from the street as he did Gusu, knowing A-Yuan was just a moment away. He turned into the parking lot and waited in the pick-up line. A steady stream of teenagers began to flow from the front doors, and it wasn’t too long before he spotted A-Yuan and a few familiar faces.

Lan Jingyi was avidly gesturing about something as they approached the car, which he finished in a dramatic flair that almost hit Ouyang Zizhen next to him. He did happen to hit Jin Ling, who quickly rounded on him just as A-Yuan reached the door. He turned and said exasperated goodbyes to the three of them before sitting down smoothly in the passenger seat.

“Hey, Dad.”

Lan Wangji’s chest fluttered. “A-Yuan. How was your week?” He pulled out of the parking lot.

“It was good. Great since you called me yesterday. Xian ge-ge is really back?” Lan Wangji spared a glance away from the road and saw his eyes were shining. “He’s really waiting at the house?”

Lan Wangji sure hoped so. He didn’t think Wei Wuxian would leave, knowing A-Yuan was coming for him, but after their argument last night and his demeanor this morning, he was scared, admittedly. But he didn’t want to tell A-Yuan all of this, so he simply said “Mn.”

“And how was your week?” Lan Wangji noticed A-Yuan's expression had softened when he stopped at the next red light. He was also calculating; Lan Wangji could see it in his eyes. His brother wasn’t the only one who could read him.

“I’m still tired from the trip.” He replied, easing onto the gas as the light turned green. It was easy to lie when he wasn’t making eye contact. If A-Yuan suspected anything more, he had the grace not to push it. Lan Wangji watched him relax back into the seat a bit more.

“What’s he like now? Is he different?” Something nervous had settled into his tone.

 _Yes. No._ Wangji wanted to say both at the same time, finding them equally true. Instead he settled for “You’ll see.”

A-Yuan eventually took a rambling lead in the conversation as they got closer to the estate, and Lan Wangji was happy to listen to him talk. He practically bubbled with excitement, even if it was reserved. A-Yuan had always been a quiet child, but Lan Wangji could tell he was bursting with happiness, even if he kept his hands folded neatly in his lap and his back straight. It was the crinkle in eyes, the uptake of his eyebrows. Even when Lan Wangji was looking at the road, he could hear it in his voice, bright and clear and ringing.

As they pulled into the driveway, A-Yuan looked like he wanted to jump from the car door. He did fly out faster than usual as Lan Wangji put the car in park, and he let him run inside while Lan Wangji stayed back to collect his bag and violin. He was almost to the flung open door when he heard a cry of “Xian ge-ge!” from inside.

There was a rustle of cloth and an inward breath, followed by a muffled “A-Yuan?”

When he rounded the door frame, he paused. Just at the foot of the staircase, A-Yuan was practically hanging on Wei Wuxian’s neck, he was hugging him so hard. Wei Wuxian had his face buried in A-Yuan’s shoulder, and they both stood still as they held onto each other tightly.

Lan Wangji felt like he was intruding, but he couldn’t move. The sight punched a hole in his heart, and he watched as Wei Wuxian lifted his head up. Silent tears dripped from his eyes, and he drew back from the hug while keeping a hand on the side of his head. “A-Yuan. You’ve grown so much.” He said tenderly, looking the boy up and down. Lan Wangji couldn’t see A-Yuan’s expression, but knew he must have been crying a little too, his shoulders shaking.

“I missed you.” He replied, bringing his sleeve up to wipe his face.

Looking away, Lan Wangji stepped inside and closed the door quietly. He placed A-Yuan’s bag and violin on the couch. When he glanced back over, Wei Wuxian was holding A-Yuan’s shoulder but staring at Lan Wangji. He froze.

“You did a good job. I can tell.” His face was unbearably soft.

The ball of tension Lan Wangji had been holding in his stomach released, and his shoulders dipped. “You did too.”

The rest of that afternoon was a blur of smiles and laughter. Wei Wuxian’s shadows fell away as he talked with A-Yuan, who returned all of his enthusiasm equally. Lan Wangji was overjoyed to watch them go back and forth. They talked about even the littlest details from the past years, no story too small if it made the other laugh. Lan Wangji mainly listened from the kitchen as he cooked, the meal a bit more complicated and requiring more prep work. When he was finished, both A-Yuan and Wei Wuxian helped set the table, and dinner was a noisy affair. A-Yuan at least had the decency to look a little ashamed when he looked at Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuxian continued to seize his attention and draw out more conversation. Lan Wangji really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Almost too soon it seemed the day was ending. It felt like barely any time had passed at all, but between one moment and the next the house grew darker as the light outside faded. Lan Wangji flipped on another light in the kitchen and moved to clean up the table, waving away A-Yuan when he tried to help. He was happy to do the dishes alone if it meant he could listen to the singing laughter behind him, the Jinghsi feeling warmer than ever.

Finished, he turned around to face the table, his back still leaning against the counter as he dried the last dish. “A-Yuan, how much homework do you have this weekend?” He asked when he was sure he wasn’t interrupting, which was difficult.

A-Yuan paused, a crumpled expression slowly taking over his face. “A little.” He admitted, then looked sadly at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian glanced between Lan Wangji and A-Yuan, looking torn. Lan Wangji sent him his best cold glare, daring him to encourage any slacking-off behavior, and Wei Wuxian simply sighed. “Don’t worry, A-Yuan, I’ll still be here. We can talk a lot more tomorrow.”

Slightly put out but still bounding with happiness, A-Yuan nodded and stood. He walked around the kitchen table to give a final hug to Wei Wuxian, who returned it tightly. When he was done, Lan Wangji expected him to go up to his room, but he whirled around the kitchen to give one to Lan Wangji, too. He pressed his head to Lan Wangji’s chest, who was so surprised it took a second before he reached up and returned it.

“Thank you.” A-Yuan whispered, then ascended the stairs to his room, taking his bag with him. Lan Wangji was still a little dazed as he watched him. When he looked back towards Wei Wuxian, he saw the other man watching him with a tiredness in his eyes that hadn’t been there the whole evening. He propped his chin up with his hand.

“He really is such a good kid, Lan Zhan.” He said it with such emotion that Lan Wangji wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Mn.” It was the only thing he knew to say, but it sounded stale in his mouth. Realizing he’d been holding onto the last dish for several minutes now, he stepped out of his trance and put it away. He was closing the cabinet door as he wondered what to say next, the tense air from this morning already returning in A-Yuan’s absence.

Before he could lose his nerve, he turned around and said “I’m sorry about last night.” It tumbled out of his mouth like he was dumping a guilty confession, but he meant it sincerely. He’d been thinking of this scene at work, all day, trying to figure out the best words, when the best time would be. “I didn’t mean to push you.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes had widened in shock, and Lan Wangji almost thought that his mouth might have fallen open if it hadn’t been resting on his hand. He felt awkward, standing there silently, but Lan Wangji couldn’t blame him for his surprise. Had it been a decade ago, he couldn’t imagine apologizing. But Wei Wuxian wasn’t the only one who had changed.

Snapping out of his bewilderment, Wei Wuxian started to stutter “Wha- Lan Zhan, you didn’t. I was an ass.” He rose from the kitchen table and came to stand in front of Lan Wangji, who was frozen up against the counter. “I’m sorry I haven’t been telling you anything, when you’ve been nice to me. It’s just been… difficult.” He squeezed his hands together in front of him, looking down. “And I know we were friends. I just- I know I can be an annoying.” He looked like he had more to say, but when he opened his mouth, there was only silence.

“You’re only a little annoying.” Lan Wangji replied, voice dead pan but with an intention to tease. His lips curled slightly as Wei Wuxian’s face lit up in mock outrage.

“I’m a _delight._ ” He cried, seriousness forgotten as he pointed a finger in Lan Wangji’s face.

“Mn.” Lan Wangji felt incredibly fond, but he tried to school his expression back into something more neutral. It was like Wei Wuxian said, they were friends. It was stupid for Lan Wangji to expect anything else, especially now. No matter how much it felt like going back to the old days, Lan Wangji had to remind himself about the dynamic between them now. He’d flown Wei Wuxian back to Gusu, where no one else knew he was alive. He had no job, no other housing, and relied on Lan Wangji for food. It would be wrong to hold those things over his head while asking for something more from him.

Sobering up to those thoughts, he rested his hands on the counter. “And you don’t owe me anything, Wei Ying. Take as long as you need- you don’t have to explain anything you don’t want to.”

Wei Wuxian paused, the dramatic air he had about him disappearing. “Thank you, Lan Zhan.” He whispered out, and they stood like that for a second, just staring at each other. Lan Wangji didn’t want to break the moment, but he had to, so edged away sideways in the excuse of going to throw the old dish towel in the laundry room.

He came back into the living room to find Wei Wuxian getting ready to sleep on the couch, so he said a quick good night before heading up the stairs. He also checked on A-Yuan on the way to his room. He was bent over his desk with earbuds in, studiously doing homework for math. He told him not to stay up too late before retiring to his own room, feeling a strange bitter-sweetness in his chest. It wasn’t long before sleep over took him, body and mind exhausted beyond belief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet reunion scene!
> 
> Also I've noticed some typos and errors in early chapters, my apologies! I don't have a beta reader for fresh eyes, so I'll try to edit more diligently from now on!


	6. Two for Flinching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: Cussing this chapter and suicide mention.

A sliver of sunlight struck the kitchen table next to Lan Wangji, stubbornly peaking through despite how he’d kept the blinds closed that morning. The dimness of the room was comforting, and the Jingshi was living up to its name again, as the loudest thing was Lan Wangji’s fingers on the keyboard as he typed out emails and finished paperwork he was terribly behind on. His hands stilled for a moment as his gaze drifted towards the living room.

Wei Wuxian was on his stomach with his arm draped over the side of the couch, the other one curled around the pillow his head rested on. His loose hair was wild and untamed as it draped over his shoulders and covered his face, a single strand near his mouth quivering with each breath. Lan Wangji found himself distracted as he traced the lines of his silhouette and blushed as he threw himself back at his work. His eyes kept crawling back unwittingly.

It had been a surprise the first few days, when Wei Wuxian would wake up in the morning and join him for breakfast. Lan Wangji had never actively tried to get him up, had never even dreamed of seeing him rise with the sun, but he seemed to startle at the slightest sound and after that he was up and talking. Lan Wangji had adapted to this new custom without a word, but Wei Wuxian seemed to be reverting back to his old habits today.

Lan Wangji wondered if it was an issue of comfort as he peeled his eyes back to the blinking cursor on his screen. Maybe he’d ask once he was up.

He was broken from his thoughts as he heard a shuffling descending the stairs.

“Good Morning.” A-Yuan quietly voiced as he reached the bottom. He made his way into the kitchen to make tea and breakfast.

“Morning.” Lan Wangji replied. He cleared a space for A-Yuan to come sit at the table, and he settled in silently, eyes turned towards Wei Wuxian.

“Does he normally sleep in late?” The rim of the mug was perched on his lips, as if forgotten, as he stared in the direction of the couch. Lan Wangji wanted to laugh. Of course it was late to A-Yuan, who had to get up at five every morning. He was only up late now, if seven could be counted as late, because Lan Wangji bent the rules for him on weekends.

“…In the past, yes. I’m not sure when he’ll wake today.” A-Yuan didn’t question anything further and eventually retreated back to his room, leaving Lan Wangji alone to work.

In the end, Wei Wuxian began stirring around nine. He started twisting underneath the blanket intermittently, and then let out a groan that almost made Lan Wangji believe something was wrong. Before he could move, Wei Wuxian dramatically threw off the blanket and blinked open his eyes, which fell on Lan Wangji immediately.

“Lan Zhan.” He called, eyebrows knitted together in a furious line. He looked around the dim room and blinked his eyes slowly. “What time is it?”

“It’s after nine.”

“Mmm… too early.” Wei Wuxian rolled back over and settled in with a sigh. Lan Wangji had seen this act for the past two days, so he got up to make tea instead of replying. When it was done, he opened the kitchen blinds and flipped on another light switch, which made Wei Wuxian send him a murderous glare. “Lan Zhan!”

“Wei Ying.” He responded, then lifted up the mug. “Come have tea.”

Wei Wuxian’s face shifted into a pout as he slumped off the couch. He crawled into A-Yuan’s vacated chair and sipped his tea, still looking bleary. They settled into silence as Wei Wuxian continued to wake up, looking slightly worn out despite having just slept. Lan Wangji wanted to ask about it, but he didn’t seem in the mood for questions, so he focused on his work.

When Wei Wuxian finished his tea, he got up to make another cup as well as some toast for breakfast. He came back to the table when he was done, and was munching on one of the slices of toast as he eyed the papers over the table dubiously. Something seemed to click in his head. “Are you working? It’s Saturday.”

“I’m behind.”

Wei Wuxian’s face fell slightly. “Oh. Sorry- did I mess up your schedule?”

Silence settled across the room abruptly as Lan Wangji stopped typing, the absence of the sound feeling strange after so long. “No.” He turned and met Wei Wuxian’s eyes fully, wanting to be as sincere as possible. “It’s because of the business trip and Uncle’s absence. Not you.”

“Oh.” Wei Wuxian exhaled in a way that made it seem he’d been holding his breath. “Okay. I just- Don’t let me intrude too much-“

“Wei Ying, you’re not intruding.”

They scrutinized each other over the table, the air between them feeling like a missed cue. Lan Wangji wanted to scream. Wei Wuxian had never asked before, had always thrown caution and any type of propriety he knew to the wind when he was with Lan Wangji. He had always intruded mercilessly into his personal space and life before, and Lan Wangji found that he had _liked_ it. Why did he care about that now?

Wei Wuxian was giving him a helpless look, a familiar one that said _Ah Lan Zhan, what am I going to do with you?_

Lan Wangji started clearing the table. “We should go to the store today. You’ll need better clothes for when you get job interviews.”

His expression lifted in surprise. “Really?”

“You can’t wear my clothes, they’re too big for you.” It had been nice to watch Wei Wuxian lounge about in his own pajamas, but he could see the way the shoulders hung loose and pants too low. “And I know the rest of what you have. You can’t wear jeans to an interview.”

Wei Wuxian’s face morphed into something Lan Wangji didn’t recognize. “Lan Zhan- didn’t you hear what I just said? Don’t let me give you trouble.” He stood and leaned over the table, his hands holding down the papers Lan Wangji hadn’t grabbed yet. “Haven’t I done enough?” It was almost a whisper. Lan Wangji looked up at his overhanging figure, the way his posture was stiff as stone and eyes as sharp and cutting as glass. The kitchen mood felt dense with their battling wills, as Lan Wangji looked up stubbornly and Wei Wuxian practically glared daggers down at him.

Lan Wangji reached out slowly. He had been making a conscious effort not to touch Wei Wuxian after what had happened the other morning, but this time felt different. Wei Wuxian didn’t move as Lan Wangji wrapped his hands softly around his wrists, pulling them lightly off the table. “I don’t care what you’ve done or haven’t done, and won’t ask.” He looked away from Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes and towards his hands. “You’re not intruding on me. So I will intrude on you.”

Lan Wangji heard a small inhale from above, but he kept his eyes down and examined Wei Wuxian’s arms. His skin was paler than ever, and dull. He was skinny, but it was mixed with a musculature and sharpness that suggested malnutrition, not inactivity. Lan Wangji couldn’t help but run a thumb over a tiny scar that hadn’t been there before. He looked up, this time resolute. “I don’t know what’s happened all these years. But why did you come back to Gusu if you didn’t want to move on from it?”

Wei Wuxian had softened more than he’d expected him too, his body seemingly going limp. “I-” He withdrew his arms, and Lan Wangji let them go. He stood there looking positively frozen. Lan Wangji couldn’t really read the expression on his face, but it looked close to overwhelmed. “I think-“ He choked on whatever he was saying, mouth opening and closing indecisively. Eventually he sighed and regained some composure, even if his voice sounded rough as he said, “I don’t know.”

It sounded like a lie, especially with the way Wei Wuxian wouldn’t look him in the eye, but Lan Wangji was okay with that. They were getting somewhere, at least, and if Wei Wuxian needed more time to be open, it was fine. Lan Wangji could wait. He had been waiting for thirteen years, hadn’t he? Waiting for the punch line of the joke, the moment Wei Wuxian popped up and went ‘surprise?’ It had happened eventually, though not in the way he had thought.

“I’ll go tell A-Yuan to get ready. I’m sure he’ll want to come.”

Wei Wuxian nodded, and Lan Wangji took it as a sign he wouldn’t fight him on the decision anymore. He headed up the stairs and found A-Yuan reading on his bed, looking serene and blissfully unaware of what had just happened downstairs. Thank god for his earbuds. He looked up and took one out when Lan Wangji leaned on the doorframe. “We’re going to the store soon. Do you want to come?”

Excitement plastered his face, and Lan Wangji felt fondness curl around his heart as he watched A-Yuan’s eyes spark with happiness. “Xian ge-ge’s awake?” He closed the book and placed it and the earbuds on the desk before hopping off oh his bed. He was already dressed in light jeans and a white t-shirt, so he only had to comb through his dresser for socks. “I’ll come.”

“He’s awake, but not ready. We’ll see how long it takes.” Lan Wangji knew it wouldn’t be long, but the comment made A-Yuan huff out a silent breath of laughter.

Out of all of them, Lan Wangji took the longest to get ready. He descended the stairs to find Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan both waiting by the door, bundled up in a black hoodie and a blue jacket, respectively. They both turned to smile at him, and Lan Wangji felt surreal to see it.

It was beautifully sunny outside. White, puffy clouds dotted the horizon, and the chilly air of winter felt a little more bearable under such a blue sky. They piled into his white Lexus to go to the mall, which seemed to be the best place to get everything they’d need. Lan Wangji hadn’t admitted it yet, but he also wanted to get Wei Wuxian a phone.

Gusu’s mall was white, clean, and huge. Neon signs hung from giant metal frames and enticing smells wafted from every direction. Surely they had something similar, if not grander, in New York, but Wei Wuxian put on a huge show of acting blown away. It was a stark contrast from his mood this morning, and Lan Wangji was pretty sure he was doing it for A-Yuan. He hadn’t stopped trying to make him laugh since he’d seen him, and had even resorted to old tactics that made him go “Xian ge-ge, I’m not a kid anymore,” albeit it was often through a wide grin.

It made Lan Wangji want to smile, even if he was determined to keep his composure. But Wei Wuxian must have remembered how to read him, because he sidled up close with a knowing look and began to tease him with an absolute ruthlessness he hadn’t felt in years. He could barely contain the secondhand embarrassment shooting under his skin as Wei Wuxian invaded his space, alternating between whispering into his ear or just screaming absolutely too loud for someone indoors. A-Yuan was diligently trying to keep his face straight, but Lan Wangji could tell he was enjoying this, too, which did nothing but make Wei Wuxian worse.

He felt betrayed to have his desire for Wei Wuxian to be closer thrown in his face like this. But he bore it the best he could, even when he was teased in front of equally embarrassed staff members.

He was sulking by a clothing rack with Wei Wuxian picking through button-ups nearby when he heard a familiar voice (or yell) come from the opposite side of the store.

“Jingyi! Give it back!” Jin Ling was a particularly vibrant shade of red when Lan Wangji spotted him over the rack. He was wrestling Lan Jingyi for his phone, it looked like, as Ouyang Zizhen stood off to the side with a hesitant look on his face.

A-Yuan popped up from a nearby rack as well, his head snapping towards the trio instantly. He looked back shyly, and Lan Wangji nodded. Like a disappointed parent, he drifted over and started scolding them in such a kind yet firm manner that it reminded him achingly of his brother.

Wei Wuxian had stilled and was staring at the group. “Are those A-Yuan’s friends?”

“Mn.”

“Were they planning to meet up here?” He shuffled over to the clothes rack, but his eyes were still glued to the teenagers, processing something. Jin Ling had managed to get his phone back and looked less likely to commit murder, while Lan Jingyi just listened to A-Yuan’s teachings with a satisfied air about him.

“A-Yuan hasn’t said anything about it.” Lan Wangji figured it was more of a coincidence than anything else. He hadn’t even told A-Yuan they’d be going to the mall before this morning.

Wei Wuxian nodded, and Lan Wangji found himself instantly suspicious of his sudden silent nature. “Wei Ying?”

“Yes, Lan Zhan?” He turned his face to reveal a small smirk and half-lidded eyes, which was never a good sign.

He dumped a few pieces he’d collected unceremoniously in Wei Wuxian’s arms. “Try these on.” Lan Wangji then dragged him to the fitting rooms before he could protest too much. He was meaning to distract him from whatever mischief he was planning, but this backfired spectacularly, of course.

Wei Wuxian walked out of the fitting room looking mesmerizing. The black suit gave his shoulders a strong outline while the slight bend at the waist accentuated his figure, and the slacks did his legs wonders. Lan Wangji could only stare up helplessly from the waiting couch, phone forgotten in his hand, as Wei Wuxian stalked closer. He looked absolutely charismatic, but what was worse was that he _knew_ it.

He leaned over Lan Wangji’s frozen form with one hand on the back of the couch, the other propped up on his hip. “What do you think, Lan Zhan?” His smile was dangerous, and it was near impossible to ignore the growing warmth from where their knees touched.

Lan Wangji couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering up and down a second time, already regretting the decision to give Wei Wuxian a red button-up; it really was his color. He noticed the top button was undone and swallowed. “We should look for a tie,” Was all that he could drag out.

Wei Wuxian threw his head back and laughed, giving Lan Wangji a long look at his throat. His ears burned with the intensity of the flames of hell as he snapped his head to the side, trying to wrestle himself back into a state decent enough to at least say _“Yes, you look wonderful”_ without looking like he’d evaporate on the spot. He coughed once and gave Wei Wuxian a sidelong glance. “It looks good on you.”

Now it was Wei Wuxian’s turn to look struck. He tried to brush off his pause nonchalantly, but Lan Wangji had been staring too hard to not notice. “Ah, I owe it to you. You have such an eye for outfits.” He straightened out to play with the cuffs of his sleeves. “So it fits right?”

Lan Wangji stalled by putting his phone in his pocket to mentally compose himself, then stood with all the grace he could muster. “Let me see.” He delicately touched Wei Wuxian’s arms to guide him into a taller stance, hesitating a little at first. But Wei Wuxian didn’t pull away, so he continued with a feather-light touch, gliding his hands across his shoulders to make sure the suit was sitting properly. The seams fell where they were supposed to, so he moved down and tugged lightly at the middle where it would button. Satisfied with the way it held form, he took a small step back. “Turn around.”

Wei Wuxian did so slowly, looking like he was holding his breath. Lan Wangji pressed his fingers into the back of his collar to fold it down correctly, then stopped himself from running his palm across his back, reluctant to make Wei Wuxian feel uncomfortable. “It doesn’t feel too tight?”

“M-m.” Wei Wuxian hummed out a no.

“Good.” Lan Wangji dropped his hands. “It fits right. Was there anything else you liked?”

Wei Wuxian turned back around, his face looking stiff. “Um- I don’t think so? This is probably good enough.” He scratched at his nose. “But you wanted to look for a…”

“A tie.”

“Right! A tie sounds like a good idea. I’ll go change back.” He whirled back into the fitting room, and Lan Wangji all but collapsed back on the waiting couch. There were moments where he thought he was fine, that he had everything under control, but then his stupid heart had to prove him wrong. It fluttered terrifyingly fast in his chest, and Lan Wangji took deep breaths to calm it.

Wei Wuxian came out shortly, still looking amazing. He pulled Lan Wangji up from the couch by his wrist and dragged him to the tie section. Lan Wangji still felt slightly dazed, and nodded along numbly as Wei Wuxian pointed out different ties he liked. He eventually decided on a black one with small hatchmarks embossed in dark thread.

They passed A-Yuan and his friends on their way to the register. Wei Wuxian sidled up next to him as fast as lightning and leaned an elbow on his shoulder. “A-Yuan, are these your friends? Why don’t you introduce me?”

A-Yuan jumped slightly when Wei Wuxian leaned on him, but recovered fast enough to turn a bashful smile to his friends. “This is Wei Wuxian, he’s… he was my tutor. Wei Wuxian, this is my cousin Lan Jingyi, and my friends Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen.” He pointed out each, and they traded looks that ranged from suspicious to excited.

“I’m only Wei Wuxian to you now? It was Xian ge-ge just a minute ago.” Wei Wuxian pouted as he pinched A-Yuan’s cheek, who promptly turned a bright shade of pink.

Seeing that Wei Wuxian’s only intention here was to embarrass A-Yuan, Lan Wangji stepped forward. “A-Yuan, do you want to meet up with us later? You can stay with your friends.”

A-Yuan looked sheepish as he nodded. “Thank you.”

Lan Wangji gave him an apologetic look as he lugged a protesting Wei Wuxian off in the direction of the registers. He only paused to nod when Lan Jingyi shouted out “Bye, Mr. Wangji!” with a wave.

The suit now paid for, Lan Wangji whisked Wei Wuxian out of the store and down the long walkway to the next stop on his list. The phone store was crowded, and Wei Wuxian tried to argue against him about getting one on Lan Wangji’s dime, but he eventually caved when Lan Wangji said it was for safety. They left with something cheap and used, and Wei Wuxian was already saving his number as they were walking out the door.

Lan Wangji texted A-Yuan as they waited around the courtyard for him, while Wei Wuxian was learning the settings on his phone. Without warning, he wrapped his arm around Lan Wangji’s bicep and pulled him close. “Lan Zhan, take another selfie with me! It’ll be my first picture with this phone!”

And Lan Wangji could hardly say no to him, could he? So he leaned over graciously, their heads almost touching. Wei Wuxian’s smile was brilliant, and it sent Lan Wangji’s heart into a stuttering mess as it stayed on his face even after he’d taken the photo.

“Thanks, Lan Zhan!” He was still pressed against his arm, and Lan Wangji didn’t want to move anytime soon. But A-Yuan was coming just around the corner, so Lan Wangji put his phone in his pocket and took out his keys.

A-Yuan didn’t comment when they walked to the car arm in arm, though Wei Wuxian gave him little chance to. Lan Wangji felt the need to thank him profusely. Who had taught him to be so polite? It certainly wasn’t Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji felt like he’d been this way since he’d adopted him. Whatever the case was, he’d have to get him something nice for putting up with the chaos of this weekend.

‘’

Things settled into a more peaceful routine once they were back at the house.

 _Routine_. It wasn’t the right word, but it was the only one Lan Wangji’s brain would supply, because that’s exactly what it felt like. A routine, one they had fallen into as sure as gravity. Lan Wangji was in the kitchen, frying pork and stirring rice occasionally while laughter bubbled up from behind him.

He had looked back, once, when the sounds behind him grew suspiciously hushed. The sun was setting outside, and intense, golden rays streamed in from the window and illuminated the two as they leaned over the kitchen table conspiratorially. A-Yuan was supposed to be doing homework, but his pencil was limp in his hand as his rapt attention was on Wei Wuxian. The man was leaning forward on his elbows, his head bent inward. His ponytail curled beautifully around his shoulder and grey eyes shone as he retold some story from his college days. Lan Wangji paled when he actually started listening to his words instead of focusing on the way his fingers were moving nimbly through the air like he was painting out the scene.

“-so you need to be careful around Lan Zhan when he’s drunk, A-Yuan. He’s such a lightweight! Like the first time-“

“Wei Ying!”

Wei Wuxian actually had the gall to look up with a playful expression plastered on his face, eyes half-hooded and a lopsided smirk curling on the edges of his lips. “What, Lan Zhan? You don’t want your son to know you’ve been drunk before?” He sprung up out of the chair as Lan Wangji crossed the kitchen, holding the spoon he was cooking with threateningly. “How hypocritical! Is this the father you’ve become?”

Lan Wangji picked up a nearby kitchen towel and threw it at him. “You’re supposed to be helping A-Yuan with his homework!”

The towel smacked him square in the face, but Wei Wuxian looked like he barely felt it. He caught it as it fell with one hand while making a mocking expression, his tongue stuck out at Lan Wangji. “A-Yuan’s done! Because he’s smart, and has such a brilliant tutor to help him.”

Lan Wangji snorted at that, then looked back down towards A-Yuan. His lips were slightly open as he stared in between the two of them, clearly surprised. Lan Wangji knew he must have a thousand questions. It was abnormal for him to be so affected by teasings like these, or to respond so energetically. He’d really have to sit him down and explain everything one day, but now wasn’t the time. “Dinner’s ready.” It came out as a huff, and he turned to pull out plates from the cabinet. He heard a _snap_ behind him, and saw Wei Wuxian flicking the towel jokingly at A-Yuan.

Things settled down a bit more during dinner, and the night felt peaceful. Lan Wangji felt a tired contentment take over him as he ate. He’d finished most of his work that morning, so he was free to relax a little tomorrow. Maybe he could get Wei Wuxian to relax as well. He was starting to notice the difference between when he was really happy or just faking it, which was terribly similar and a bit depressing, as he seemed to be faking it quite often. There was a tension in his smile and a stiffness in his shoulders that had never been there before, and it hurt a little to see. If Lan Wangji could just give him a little relief from whatever was plaguing him, it would be enough.

It was as they were clearing the table that a furious round of knocks started at the door. It started with only three, loud and concise, but devolved into pounding when Lan Wangji stilled in confusion. Who would be coming this late?

“Lan Wangji, open the fucking door! I know Wei Wuxian’s here.”

The trio stared at each other in stunned silence. Wei Wuxian looked noticeably paler, his mouth silently hanging open.

“Lan Zhan- how does he even know I’m here?” The last part came out in a shocked hiss, almost cut off by another round of fierce banging.

“I swear to God, I will rip off the door!”

Knowing he probably would, and not really wanting to deal with that mess, Lan Wangji strode over quickly. His face was twisted in a harsh frown as he threw open the door and stood obstinately in the threshold. “Jiang Wanyin. I’d appreciate it if you would call beforehand.”

Not missing a beat, Jiang Cheng’s face curled up in half a snarl as he said, “I don’t give a shit what’d you’d _appreciate_ , Lan Wangji. Where the fuck is he?”

Lan Wangji pressed his lips together resolutely, which was the only answer Jiang Cheng needed. He grabbed Lan Wangji’s collar and tried to push him to the side. Furious, Lan Wangji pushed back, and it quickly turned into a wrestling match. Distantly, he heard clamoring in the kitchen, punctuated by a loud “Shit!”

He managed to throw Jiang Cheng back onto the porch, but wasn’t fast enough to avoid his punch. His face exploded in a riot of white light and pain as a copper tang filled his mouth. Pushing down the shock, Lan Wangji managed to throw one back as Jiang Cheng came closer to get past him. It connected with the side of his face and a small flash of satisfaction doused him before he felt hands push against his side, and suddenly Wei Wuxian was pushing himself in between him and Jiang Cheng.

“Stop! Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng, stop!” He was standing with one hand on Lan Wangji’s chest and looking towards Jiang Cheng. Everything seemed to freeze as the two brothers looked each other up and down.

“You’re _alive?”_ The yelling was already starting again. “And you’re here? Have you been hiding with your stupid boyfriend this entire time?”

Wei Wuxian started with a shaky laugh and then seemed to think better of it, as it cut out with a strangled noise and he stood a bit straighter. “Ah- no. I mean I am alive, sorry-“

“You drop off the face of the earth and you think you can just say _sorry?”_

“No-“

“I thought you were dead! We all did! There was a funeral!” Jiang Cheng was practically shaking with anger. He stepped closer, and Lan Wangji instinctively put a hand on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.

Wei Wuxian continued, trying to find some ground in between all of his interruptions. “I know-“

“ _Oh_ , you _know?_ And you still have the face to come back here, even after all the shit you’ve done?” He shook his head, a disgusted look taking over his face.

“Why are you here?” Wei Wuxian’s voice was quiet.

Jiang Cheng glared at him. “To see if Jin Ling was telling the truth. And to find out if you got what you deserved.” He gave him a once over. “You look like utter shit, so I guess karma really is a bitch, isn’t it?”

“That’s enough.” Lan Wangji said as he felt Wei Wuxian go stiff under his hand. His voice was cutting, but calmer than he’d expected.

“And _you_. How fucking dare you, Lan Wangji. Everyone likes to paint you as some sort of honorable gentleman, but you got another chance to fuck my brother and all of that honor went out the fucking window.”

“Jiang Wanyin!” Wei Wuxian was seething, judging by the way his voice rang out.

Lan Wangji squeezed his shoulder before meeting Jiang Cheng’s aggressive stare. “Leave.”

Without another word, but with plenty of malice, Jiang Cheng turned and stomped off towards the car idling at the foot of the driveway. They watched him speed off silently.

Lan Wangji exhaled a long breath, starting to feel the chill in the air seep into his bones. He realized Wei Wuxian’s fist was still curled up in the front of his shirt, and that it was shaking. Gingerly, he peeled it off. “Wei Ying, let’s go inside.”

Wei Wuxian nodded his head limply, and when he turned, Lan Wangji could see silent tears streaking down his face. He guided him inside gently, then sat him down on the couch. A-Yuan hovered in the kitchen, looking panicked but lost. He decided to deal with him first. “A-Yuan, it’s late. Do you want to go to bed?” It was more of a silent _We can talk about this later_ , but he seemed to understand and nodded.

He didn’t go straight to his room, however. Instead, he went to the fridge and wrapped a paper towel around an ice pack, before handing it to Lan Wangji. “Um- for your face. Your lip is bleeding.”

Lan Wangji accepted the gift in a stunned silence before murmuring, “Thank you, A-Yuan.”

A-Yuan nodded with a small smile, then headed up to his room. Lan Wangji turned and sat next to Wei Wuxian on the couch. They stayed in silence for a while, Lan Wangji pressing the towel and ice pack to his busted lip while Wei Wuxian composed himself, the shaking lessening incrementally.

“I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.” His voice was hoarse as it broke through the still of the Jingshi. Wei Wuxian wouldn’t look in his direction, but wrapped his arms around his body as he repeated himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Wei Ying, don’t be sorry.” Lan Wangji wavered next to him, unsure of how to proceed. He didn’t want to touch him and shatter what was left, but he found his words lacking severely. “Jiang Cheng shouldn’t have said that to you.”

“Jiang Cheng always spoke truthfully, no matter how blunt.” Wei Wuxian brought his hands up to his face and laughed, sounding unsteady. “It’s okay. I know I look like shit- I deserve it. I deserve more-“

“You don’t.” Lan Wangji’s voice was gritty. “Wei Ying, you haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

“I did.” He said it with such conviction. “I killed her, Lan Zhan. God, I killed Yanli, I could never suffer enough for that.” The end of his sentence broke off with a sob.

“Wei Ying.” The name escaped him like a final breath, punched out and hollow. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Of course it was my fault.” He hissed out. “I wanted to take her out, after- after Jin Zixuan’s funeral, cause she was so lonely, and I knew being holed up alone with her kid didn’t help, and then-“ He took a shuttering breath, the only pause in his ramblings. “She was so nice about me getting a motorcycle. She told me to be careful, but I wasn’t thinking- I should never have taken her out. It was my fault. _My fault_.”

Lan Wangji didn’t know how to reply and couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. He brought his hand up softly to rest on Wei Wuxian’s back, who shuddered but kept going. “And Jin Rulan, _Jin Ling_ , I wasn’t even thinking- I left him- I left him all alone. How could I do that, Lan Zhan?” He had to stop as he was racked by a fresh wave of sobs. “He looked familiar. He has Yanli's eyes, you know? But I couldn’t place it- I couldn't remember. My memory’s been so bad, Lan Zhan. You know-“ He took a gasping inhale. “There are whole chunks of the past decade I don’t remember. When it got really bad. There are months where I don’t know where I was. Fuck, Lan Zhan.” He seemed to crumple in on himself, and Lan Wangji didn’t hold back anymore. He pulled Wei Wuxian to his chest and held him there as he sobbed. He felt tears soaking the front of his shirt as Wei Wuxian just shook, his hand rubbing circles into his back the whole time.

Wei Wuxian continued to mutter out things he remembered in a rambling, dissociated way, like he was recalling a nightmare. He told Lan Wangji about places he’d stayed, things he’d done for money, a failed suicide attempt. He seemed to spill his guts out for an immeasurable span of time, everything coming out in a torrid rush. But eventually Wei Wuxian stopped shaking and grew silent, and Lan Wangji still held onto him.

They fell asleep on the couch like that, pressed tightly together and still in their day clothes. The last thing Lan Wangji could recall was letting down Wei Wuxian’s hair and carding his fingers through it slowly as the daze of the night pressed in all around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is coming a little late! I felt a bit lost this chapter and didn't really have a lot of energy for writing this week. Also, thank you so much for all of the comments and feedback! I never expected to see such a positive response, and I love reading every one. I'll try to be a bit better at responding this week. Thank you so much again, and I hope you enjoyed reading!


	7. The Secrets You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first off, I went through the previous chapters and finally edited out all of the mistakes I found. I'm sorry if that spammed anyone with notifications! I've also switched from just including their courtesy name to adding the family name. I wasn't thinking too hard about it when I first started writing, but I think it flows better, especially because I've kept the birth/courtesy name system despite it being a modern au.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The morning rolled over Lan Wangji like a gentle sucker punch.

One minute he was waking slow, encaptured by the dim calmness of the room. The only sounds to permeate the silence were wind on the windows and slow breathing, and then he understood he wasn’t in his room. The next thing he realized was Wei Wuxian, pinned to his chest, breathing peacefully beside him. His head was tucked just under Lan Wangji’s chin, so he couldn’t see his face, but it didn’t take a genius to know he was still asleep.

Lan Wangji froze, the memories of the night before trickling in slowly. His lip throbbed in reminder. Inching backwards, he started to retract his arms, but one was pinned under Wei Wuxian and he’d stirred at the movement. Lan Wangji held his breath as he stared down at his slim figure.

Seeing Wei Wuxian when he was asleep was an entirely different experience than seeing him awake, his face open in such a way that one could finally see past the haze of the walls he so desperately put up when he was conscious and the pretense of happiness he hid behind. Lan Wangji had come to see Wei Wuxian as a master at the sleight of hand, only he did it with his heart. He always seemed so joyful, but over the past few days Lan Wangji had watched him, he’d seen how the shadows collected on his face and how a sharpness clung to the corners of his eyes. But then Wei Wuxian would smile like the sun, and the light he beamed seemed enough to wash away all that dark.

It was almost enough.

Lan Wangji had wracked through the memories of him when they had first met. He felt like a collector of them during their youth, but after his disappearance he felt like more of a hoarder. He’d stored them so carefully, but time turned them to dust in his head, and it had been terrifying to watch them become blurry. No matter what Lan Wangji had done, no matter how tight he had hung onto them, he'd watch the details start to vanish under his eyes. But as if revitalized by seeing him again, they began to clear, and Lan Wangji found himself comparing their images.

There was young Wei Wuxian, whose face was soft and kind and energetic, who had burned with the passion of ten suns. At first, Lan Wangji had seen the new and the old as the same, simply separated by age, but as he stared at Wei Wuxian’s face he could see a new tiredness stretched across the features there. _Too many cruel years_ , he thought regretfully, and settled back in next to him. A-Yuan wouldn’t be down for some time yet, and Lan Wangji knew Wei Wuxian would never wake before then, if he was quiet.

If he held him tighter as he fell back asleep, then that was a secret only the walls would know.

‘’

The next week went by in a blur of paperwork and, during the night, easy laughter. Lan Wangji was consistently distracted at work, usually flitting in between apathetic and irritated. Lan Xichen took his moods with grace, at least, but there was a storm brewing.

It unleashed in its full might when Lan Quiren returned. He had been reading Lan Wangji’s mistakes for the last two weeks, and was irate at slip-ups he’d never expect from him. If that was bad, however, Lan Wangji had another thing coming.

He hadn’t even gone home first. Lan Quiren went straight from the airport to work to confront him. They were in Lan Wangji’s office with the door closed, though that probably did little to muffle the harsh tenor of his uncle’s berating. He was red in the face as he came to a close of his particularly long speech, mainly covering how well Lan Wangji was raised and the expectations of him, how the company would rely on him the future, how he needed to support his brother… he’d mainly zoned out for most of it. His eyes snapped back up as Lan Quiren stilled from his pacing. “Wangji, what’s the meaning of this? What’s so important that it’s distracting you from your work?”

Lan Wangji felt like he was placing a loaded gun on the table, the way Lan Quiren’s eyes bulged and his lips flattened in a white line. “Wei Ying. I found Wei Ying in New York, and he’s been staying at the Jingshi.” It was funny, how his voice sounded so steady now. A decade ago, he remembered quivering under his uncle as he promised to do better in school, then to do better in college, to not be distracted by Wei Wuxian. He met Lan Quiren’s eyes and felt as sure as stone. “He’s staying until he decides to go.”

His uncle’s mouth gaped open like a dying fish as he struggled to find a reply. “Wh- Wei Wuxian is dead!” He denied, hands balled into fists by his side. No doubt this situation had come from one of his nightmares.

Lan Wangji found it interesting to see his uncle’s composure broken so. He tilted his head up challengingly as he took in the sight. “He’s alive. The body they found was a robber- he’d stolen from Wei Ying previously, which is why he had his wallet and phone.” It felt like acid to say it so simply when that very fact had given him so much grief. “He’s looking for a job, I think he plans on staying in the city for now.”

If Lan Quiren wasn’t furious before, he was absolutely raging now. His face turned a vibrant shade of purple as he told off Lan Wangji in no uncertain terms, a shred of propriety probably being the only thing stopping his tirade from delving into a string of expletives. Eventually, he ended with a single order. “He will be gone by tomorrow night.”

“No.”

His uncle stared down at him breathless and incredulous, as if he thought he should pinch himself. Lan Wangji had never refused an order from him before. “Wangji?” He asked, disbelieving.

“Wei Ying will leave when he decides to.” He repeated, glaring up unflinchingly.

Lan Quiren drew himself up to his full height and stared Lan Wangji down from the bridge of his nose. “Get rid of him. Now. Don’t you remember what happened to his sister?”

“That wasn’t his fault.” Lan Wangji snapped.

“He was a delinquent! He had no regard for safety or decorum, and was already dragging his adoptive family down with his actions. He was an alcoholic with no regard for a decent path in life. It was only a matter of time before such a thing were to happen!”

“Uncle-“ Lan Wangji growled, his hands white-knuckled on the desk, but Lan Quiren continued.

“And now he’s stuck to you! He’s probably run out of money and is merely latching onto you for a warm meal at night. He’ll cause trouble and then be gone before he has to face the consequences.” They glared at each other silently for a single beat. “Wangji, think of your son.”

A snarl quirked on Lan Wangji’s lips before he could stop it. “A-Yuan missed him too. Don’t you remember? Wei Ying was his tutor, he’s the reason I adopted him.”

To say Lan Quiren’s face softened would be extreme, but some of the contorted rage relaxed slightly. “Wangji. You’re not a teenager anymore. Let him go.”

He felt bare, then, looking up at his uncle, the man who’d raised him. “No.” Lan Wangji replied quietly and shuffled around a few stacks of papers on his desk, though it was mostly for show. “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

His uncle left in a huff of fury. In the wake of his absence, Lan Wangji felt tired, but satisfied. This meeting had been weighing on him for the past two weeks, and it was good that it was over. Better, even, because Wei Wuxian _would_ be staying at the Jingshi. He sipped his now cold tea and returned to work, feeling a bit lighter than he’d had all week.

‘’

“Lan Zhan! You’re home!” Wei Wuxian sprawled backwards over the couch so he could look at Lan Wangji upside down. “How was work?” He was in his new suit, though the jacket had been strewn across the coffee table. Lan Wangji still could barely look at him in it.

“Fine. How was your interview, Wei Ying?” He peeled his shoes off slowly, then walked to the kitchen to put his briefcase down on the table.

“Mmmm… fine.” He said with a playful hint, and Lan Wangji turned to face him.

“I know Lan Quiren came back today, Lan Zhan. Did he really have nothing to say about this little arrangement?” He paused, uncertainty flitting in his eyes. “Or have you not told him yet?”

Lan Wangji started to take off his tie. “Uncle knows.” He huffed out, which did nothing to help Wei Wuxian relax. “He’s… angry. But I won’t let him kick you out, Wei Ying. You’re safe here.”

Wei Wuxian took in a deep breath. “You’re a lifesaver, Lan Zhan. Really.” He drew his hands to his face, and the tension in his shoulders seemed to unwind a bit.

“I mean it, Wei Ying. You are safe here.” He moved to sit beside him on the couch, shrugging off his suit jacket along the way. “As long as you need.”

Wei Wuxian peeked out from between his fingers, a move that made Lan Wangji’s heart squeeze. “I don’t know how to repay you for this, Lan Zhan. You don’t- you’ve never owed me anything.”

“You don’t need to. And I’m not doing this to settle anything.” Sometimes trying to convey to Wei Wuxian that people could be nice to him without wanting anything in return was like trying to talk to a brick wall. He reached out with the idea of touching Wei Wuxian’s knee out of comfort, but pulled back with a hesitant pause. Touch was still a strange subject they danced around, and Lan Wangji felt guilty every time he brushed Wei Wuxian. It felt like he was taking advantage of him, because Wei Wuxian was kind and probably thought nothing of it, but Lan Wangji always wished it’d turn to something more.

He bottled his torrid thoughts and turned away. It was his best method, and hadn’t failed him yet.

“Lan Zhan.” Lan Wangji was interrupted from his thoughts and he looked up to meet Wei Wuxian’s gaze. It held a distinct seriousness that he was unaccustomed to seeing, yet there was a bashfulness as he kept his hands covering most of his face. “Do you remember snapchat?”

Lan Wangji paused at the strange turn of the conversation. He stared at Wei Wuxian until he remembered why it’d be prevalent, which was a mistake, because there was no controlling his expression once he did. “Are you- did you log into your old account?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.” He whispered softly. “I didn’t know-“

“You- you don’t need to be sorry.” He choked out and got up from the couch quickly. Embarrassment snaked across his whole body as flashes of memories flew in front of his eyes. Wei Wuxian had gotten him to use snapchat when they were in college, and it had been fun, actually, to receive small messages and pictures Wei Wuxian sent him _when he was thinking of him_ (Yeah, he’d spent a whole month over-analyzing that one).

But after Wei Wuxian’s death… it had been a way to connect with him. He’d sent the first ones timidly, with small messages like _I think you would’ve liked this_ to _Have you been here?_ They slowly developed into more open messages, a way for Lan Wangji to bear his heart to the only person who could never know. The only thing keeping him standing now was the fact that his messages were probably too obscure and vague for Wei Wuxian to truly understand them. They had been the tail end of his thoughts, incoherent and messy and sent in the dead of night.

_Wei Ying, did you ever figure out the name of that song?_

_I really did want to eat the loquat._

_[A simple picture of a boarded-up store front, what had been a tiny cafe with the best tea in the city. It had been one of the places they went after school to study, and it had wrung Lan Wangji’s heart out to see it shut down. He didn’t include a message in that one.]_

_[A shitty picture of the stars outside the Jinshi, with the caption: Are you there?]_

_I miss you._

Lan Wangji pressed his hands flat to the table and closed his eyes.

“Lan Zhan… what was the elegy?”

Did he tremble then, as he leaned on the table? Lan Wangji didn’t know; all he could think was _don’t look back._ Even after so long, the memory of what he’d sent still burned him like an afterimage.

_Wei Ying, they told me to speak at the funeral. I don’t know if I can._

_I’ve never been good with words, but your elegy’s written._

_I can’t speak it at the funeral. It’s too much._

_I’m sorry. You deserved better._

He gripped the table like a drowning man, though the water he felt on his face was anything but a metaphor. It’s funny, was all he could think again. It’s funny, the minute he thought he could be stable, untouchable, he was crumbling at the seams. Just a few hours ago he had stood up to his uncle for probably the first time in his life, and now he was melting into a puddle of wracking memories.

The bottle had broken, he guessed.

As he stalled in the kitchen, he heard a rustling behind him. It drew closer, and there was a warm, yet hesitant, pressure on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Lan Zhan- I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to answer.”

Lan Wangji tried to nod, even if he wasn’t sure how well it was conveyed. An awkward pause floated between them as Wei Wuxian refused to back away, and Lan Wangji refused to look at him. It was crushed as arms circled his waist and Wei Wuxian pressed against his back. “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.”

If there was anything left in him to shatter, it did. It was too much, everything he felt was too much. He was so happy, having Wei Wuxian touch him like this, to understand him enough to not press further. He was so, so terribly sad, and felt wrecked by the grief that he’d carried for decades. He was angry, still, and confused, and hurt, and everything he had pushed down for the past two weeks exploded in his chest, making him think he would have collapsed if Wei Wuxian wasn’t there, or if the table was gone.

A sob escaped his throat, unbidden, as Lan Wangji fell apart. He covered his mouth with his hand in panic, and tried to remember to breathe. He couldn’t understand why everything was coming out now, why that simple question had suddenly called out all of his repressed emotions so easily. All he knew was that he was breaking, the countenance he’d built up for decades shattering like glass. When he turned in Wei Wuxian’s grip, Wei Wuxian let him, and simply curled in tighter once they were chest to chest. Lan Wangji buried his head in his shoulder and allowed himself to come undone then.

And if he cried for long, then that was a secret only Wei Wuxian would know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this is getting a little ooc, so I apologize if anyone thinks so. The dynamics of the world kind of shift a bit in the modern au, and I just think Wangji would have had so many feelings finding Wuxian again! He seemed like a really emotional character despite how he tries to portray himself, so I imagined him bottling everything up to only break under the strain. #let wangji cry 2020
> 
> P.s. When I planned this I totally thought I would be mentioning the namesake of the fic, the elegy, back in   
> like chapter 4. But there's so much to say! Writing is completely different than I thought it'd be, lol. Thank you for reading this! I love seeing your support, and I'll be back with more soon!
> 
> If you have any questions or want to talk, you can also find me here on [Tumblr!](https://callmeliska.tumblr.com/)


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